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How to Have Better Anal Sex

Whether you’re pegging your partner with your first strap-on or you both like anal sex on the regular, making it feel even better for both of you is always good. Some people tried anal once, had a bad experience, and never went back. No matter what your experience, there are ways to make it good for everyone, especially for the person having their backdoor stretched.

Slow Down

Some partners love a good, hard pounding during anal sex, but not everyone does — don’t let porn fool you. Ease into your partner and go slow. There’s nothing wrong with asking, “Do you want more?” or “How do you want it?” Your partner is the one having an exit turned into an entrance. Letting them set the pace almost always guarantees a good outcome for both of you.

Warm Up

Because the anus doesn’t produce natural lubricants like the vagina and penis, warming up doesn’t mean getting them wet (more on that in a minute). The butt is a muscle meant to stay closed until given a compelling reason to open up. When you turn your partner on and make them feel good in other ways aka the warm up, it’s easier for their body to relax and allow entry for anal sex.

Lube Up

In anal sex there is no such thing as too much lube. Apply lube to your penis or dildo and to your partner’s booty. Then add some more. And then some more. You’re not done until you wonder if you’re about to drown in lubricant. The wetter you can get yourself and your partner, when combined with a warmed up, turned on body, the easier anal sex will be for both of you.

Start Small

With all forms of anal play, starting small is key. If your partner is completely new to anal sex, starting with a big thick dildo or penis usually won’t end well. A finger, a butt plug, or a slim anal probe are great options for anal newbies. Once your partner gets used to that, you might not do more than get the tip in their butt the first time you try anal sex. That’s okay, too. Start small and work your way up, and you’ll both have a better time.

Communicate More

There is no such thing as “accidental anal” so before you try sticking anything up your partner’s butt, talk about it. They may have had a bad experience or be really weirded out by the possibility of sh*t. Talking about it together can ease any worries you both have and make sure you’re on the same page about what you both want. Respect how the other feels, even if you don’t agree. Anal sex isn’t a race so if your partner needs more time, give it to them.

Check In With Your Partner

During anal sex, you might not always know if your partner is having a good time unless they say something. Watch their body language and cues and stop if you think something is wrong. When in doubt, though, always just ask. “Is this good for you?” or “Do you like this?” And if they say it hurts, stop, back off, slow down, or do anything you can to ease their pain. They might need more of a warm-up or something smaller to start with.

Anal Shouldn’t Be Painful

Nothing ruins anal sex like enduring excruciating pain because you’re afraid to tell your partner or they wouldn’t listen. Always check in and always stop if that’s what your partner wants. But anal sex isn’t supposed to be painful (unless you’re into pain as a kink). With enough warm-up, time, lube, and patience, it won’t hurt. If it hurts, figure out why and work on that before trying again.

Clean or Don’t Clean

Some people won’t even consider having anal sex without a few enemas first. Others wipe and go. No one should present a dirty, crusty butt to their partner, but you don’t have to be squeaky clean unless it makes you feel more comfortable. Talk to each other first and decide what makes you most confident during anal. Whatever that solution is will be the best one for you.


Like any other kind of sex, anal sex is better when you communicate with your partner, listen to what they want, express your needs, and keep mutual pleasure in mind. If anal sex has never been good for you, but you want it to be, try these tips. But never feel bad if it’s just not your thing. We all enjoy different kinds of sexual pleasure, and even if anal isn’t it, there are plenty of other sexy things to do together or alone!

Did you learn anything new in these tips? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Infographic for How to Have Better Anal Sex


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