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How to Bring Up Your Fantasy to Your Partner

Broaching the topic of sexual fantasies with your partner can be daunting. What if they aren’t into it? Whatever your fantasy, a mature, loving partner will make you feel safe and accepted—even if they aren’t accepting of the act itself. Approach the conversation with confidence by heeding the following tips.

1. Get in tune with yourself first. It’s not uncommon for fantasies to bring about feelings of embarrassment or shame. Whether those emotions stem from a conservative upbringing or a personal understanding of what’s “right” and “wrong,” you need to accept your kink before asking someone else to. Join an online forum like Reddit to find like-minded people to support you. Remember: What consenting adults do behind closed doors is personal.

2. Know when (and with whom) to speak up. Tinder hookup with a guy who says he’s into role play? You’re probably safe to spill your secret turn-ons too. Third date with a woman you met at church? Perhaps it’s best to wait until you’ve been together a while. Even for couples in long-term relationships, timing is still important and so is being prepared with the necessities like K-Y Jelly Lubricant. Consider being vocal during foreplay or while cuddling after sex. You might say, “I loved when you were doing ___________. It made me think of how amazing it would feel if you did __________. Have you ever tried that?”

3. Watch your fantasy come alive in porn. Visual stimulation is a great way to gauge your partner’s interest before revealing your own sexual desires. If you haven’t watched porn together (or that happens to be your fantasy), test the waters by texting a link to your favorite video and letting your partner know specific scenes that turned you on. You can both enjoy a little extra fun with the Remote Control 10 Function Little Black Panty. While she’s wearing it, you can use the remote control to stimulate her during your favorite parts of the film. Now, that’s sexy!

4. Take a quiz together. MojoUpgrade is a great resource that allows each partner to complete a checklist of fantasies to be revealed in the event of a match. Do you long to be bound and gagged? If your partner wants to tie you up, you’ll soon find out and you can make good use of an excellent product like Jack and Jill’s Wraparound Mattress Restraints. If they aren’t into it, they’ll never know you checked “yes.”

5. Understand that fantasies can be just that—sexy ideas that don’t translate well to the real world. If it’s something you’ve never done before, you have the right to change your mind in the heat of the moment. Threesomes, while a common fantasy, can be particularly tricky. Be vulnerable with your partner and define what consent means to both of you if you decide to move forward.

Jack and Jill

Whether your steamy fantasy requires whips, vibrators or a sexy piece of lingerie, Jack and Jill has the adult toys you need to bring it to life. Shop the same way you’re about to talk—confidently and confidentially.


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