Contrary to some people’s perceptions, safer sex can be super hot! There’s no contradiction between having mind-blowing, passionate sex and keeping things safe. In fact, sex can be even better if you know you are protected and don’t need to worry about STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
All it takes is a bit of knowledge and a few tricks. Read on to learn how to make your safer sex the hottest ever.
Note: I use the term “safer sex” because all sexual activities carry some risk and there is no such thing as 100% safe sex.
Use the right products
Nothing will ruin your hot, sexy fun quicker than using products that don’t agree with your body! If you have a bad reaction to barriers like condoms and dams, you might have an allergy or sensitivity to latex. Experiment with non-latex barriers and see if that helps.
Another common problem is sensitivity to certain ingredients in personal lube, whether you use lubricated condoms or lube from a bottle. Ingredients like glycerin can cause yeast infections, and many people are sensitive to the flavorings, thickeners, or preservatives (like parabens) included in many lubes. Try a gentle, natural lube like Sliquid if you have adverse reactions to other lubes or you worry you might.
Finally, if you use condoms, make sure you choose the right size. Too big, and they’ll fall off which negates the point of using them in the first place! Too small, and they’ll restrict any sensation you should feel or even cause pain and discomfort.
Allow for spontaneity
One complaint people often have about safer sex is that it takes the spontaneity out of sex. But that doesn’t have to be the case! If you go on a date that you think might end in sex, or think that you and your partner might have chance for a filthy quickie somewhere unusual, it helps to be prepared.
Stash a few condoms, dams, or gloves in your bag. You can also purchase individual lube sachets which are perfect for spontaneous sex without needing to carry a whole bottle around with you. Having condoms, lube, and other supplies on hand means you can be spontaneous and ask, “Wanna get naked?” and still have a safer and better sexual experience.
Remember: always make sure your barriers and condoms haven’t expired before you start. Check the package or the box. Also never store them in your wallet or pocket.
Make safety part of your flirtation and dirty talk
Get used to making barriers, condoms, and other safer sex practices part of your flirtation, dirty talk, sexting, or whatever other communications you have leading up to the point of having sex. No, you won’t ruin the mood or make it weird. In fact, if done right, you’ll make it sexy.
Good sexting or dirty talk is all about weaving a story together that you both find hot. By including safer sex in that story, you build a sexual context together in which taking safety measures is part of your fun, not a distraction from it.
Not sure how to make barriers sound sexy? Try this on for size: “I slowly roll the condom down over your hard shaft with my mouth, keeping my eyes on yours the entire time…”
See? Get creative with it! Treat it like it’s part of the sexy moment, because it is.
Make condoms part of your play
If you use condoms, make the act of putting it on part of the fun. One way is for one partner to sensually roll the condom over the wearer’s penis. Advanced level: do it with your mouth! If the wearer prefers to put the barrier on themselves, their partner can still keep the mood going by touching, kissing, and caressing them while they do so.
When I was in a dominant and submissive (D/s) relationship, one easy way that we made safer sex hot was that my Dominant would order me to fetch the safer sex supplies from the nightstand. This was both part of a service kink, and hot in itself because it indicated that sex was about to happen. If you enjoy D/s play, why not have the submissive partner get the supplies or lay them out within easy reach before you start playing? You’ve made the moment part of your kink, and you’re keeping both of you safer in the process.
Eroticize barriers and condoms
Did you know that some people find condoms actively sexy? I use barriers for everything, including hand sex, with one of my partners. I don’t know whether it’s something I’ve inadvertently conditioned myself to or a latent kink I’ve always had. But something about watching them put on a black latex glove is just unbearably hot to me.
Keep your eyes and your mind open. You might be surprised at how erotic safer sex measures can be. If nothing else, they signal that something hot is about to go down!
Conclusion: Don’t have sex with people who make safer sex a problem
Of all the nonsense that I learned in sex ed when I was younger, this was a rare gem I still remember: The person who doesn’t respect your safety doesn’t respect you.
It sounds simple, but this simple decision will make your sex life better. Make safety a priority. Importantly, form sexual relationships with people who are on the same team, not those who try to pressure you to do away with safer sex precautions. Condoms, dental dams, gloves, lube, and other safer sex products don’t have to be an awkward addition to your sex life. With a little creativity and an open-mind, they fit right in — with the right partner who respects the need for safety.
Stay safe and have fun!
Do you have any tips for how to make safer sex hotter? Share with us in the comments below!