Dirty Talk Guide

It’s time to talk dirty! If your sex life is a bit dull or your bedroom chats feel a bit meh, you’re in the right place. This ultimate guide will help you overcome inhibition, build self confidence, and use dirty talk to enhance sexual tension and connection. And we’re going to have fun doing it.

I promise, by the end of this, you’ll be talking dirty like a natural – and laughing at all the moments you ever thought it was “wrong” to whisper those naughty thoughts out loud.

Cue Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby” playing softly in the background. Yes, we’re really doing this. We’re diving into the dirty talk guide that will take your sex life from dull to delicious.

Years ago, I used to be shy as a mouse about anything remotely sexual. (Seriously, years ago I blushed just hearing the word “pussy” in a movie theater.) I thought talking openly about sex was something only porn stars did – and that if I tried it, I’d sound ridiculous. Turns out, it can be hot and even kind of fun once you push past that initial awkwardness!

Now I’m the friend who gives out dirty talk tips over brunch mimosas. Life is funny, huh? So, let’s start this journey together – turning awkward silence into confident, sexy banter behind closed doors. Ready to turn up the heat?

Dirty Talk Techniques

Dirty talk is an art and a skill – one you can absolutely learn. It might even rescue a dull sex life by injecting fun and fire where it’s been missing.

Here we’ll cover essential dirty talk techniques to get you started and keep things hot. Think of these as your step-by-step instructions for spicing things up. Even if you feel totally out of your element at first, start slowly and remember that practice makes perfect (or at least makes it feel more natural). Confidence is key, but it’s okay if you have to fake it till you make it. Let’s break down the techniques:

Start Slowly and Build Confidence

If the idea of dirty talk makes you want to hide under the covers, take a deep breath. It’s normal to feel shy or a little silly at first. Many women and men feel awkward about using explicit dirty words in bed – you’re not alone.

The trick is to start slowly. Begin with light, flirty phrases that feel natural to you. You don’t have to launch into an extremely explicit monologue right out the gate. For example, a simple “You look so hot tonight” or “I can’t stop thinking about last night”can be a great opener. These lines are mild dirty talk phrases that are sexy but not intimidating.

Starting small helps you build self confidence. As you see your partner’s positive reaction (trust me, most guys love a little seductive whisper), you’ll feel bolder. Over time, what once made you turn red will feel as natural as saying “I missed you.”

The key is consistency – like any skill, the more you practice. Sometimes you’ve just got to say “screw it” and go for it, even if your face is turning red – it’ll pay off. Like any skill, the more you practice dirty talk, the easier and more natural it becomes – eventually it actually feels natural! Before you know it, you’ll stop thinking so much and just let the sexy words flow.

Use Multiple Senses in Your Delivery

Great dirty talk isn’t just about the words you say – it’s how you say them. Think about engaging multiple senses to make your dirty talk session utterly immersive. Lower your voice to a whisper so your partner has to strain to hear you (that automatically makes them pay extra attention).

[Dirty Talk Infographic]

Does dirty talk make you feel sexy or awkward? The verdict? Most of you are all about that heat — the kind of raw, unfiltered words that make your body react before your brain catches up. Turns out, plenty of you love trading moans for explicit phrases that crank up the tension and leave you desperate for more.

Dirty Talk Is a Full-Body Experience

Let your mouth do some of the work: whisper in their ear, brush your lips against their earlobe as you speak, or moan softly to accent certain phrases. This practice is called erotic ear play. You can even maintain seductive eye contact or gently run your fingers over your partner’s body while you murmur something dirty.

For example, lean in and whisper, “I want to taste you,” while lightly tracing a finger along their arm. This combines sound (your words), touch (your fingers), maybe even sight (a smoldering look).

Engaging senses creates an intense experience. Don’t be afraid to literally put your mouth to work between sentences – plant a slow kiss on their neck after you whisper something, or trace their earlobe with your tongue before the next dirty phrase. The mix of your hot breath, naughty words, and teasing lips will drive them wild.

If you’re on the phone (hello, phone sex!), focus on voice tone – slow, breathy, confident. If you’re texting dirty, use visual details or even a photo. Mix and match the senses. Dirty talk is as much about the mood you create as the words you say.

Turn Up the Heat with Sensory Surprises

And don’t forget props if you’re both game! Using a blindfold can heighten your partner’s sense of hearing, making every dirty word feel twice as hot. Or maybe try a sexy surprise: a remote-controlled toy or vibrating panties during date night – one buzz and one whispered “I can’t wait to have your cock inside me later” will drive your lover wild. (Yup, tech can be sexy – who knew?) The idea here is to make your dirty talk an all-encompassing, tantalizing experience.

Picture this: You lean over your partner in bed, lips grazing their ear. Your voice is low and dripping with desire as you describe exactly what you want to do to them. Maybe your hand wanders across their chest or you tug playfully at the sheets. They shiver – not just from your touch, but from the way their body is responding to your voice, from the words painting pictures in their mind. Using multiple senses in dirty talk creates an atmosphere that feels amazingly intimate and oh-so-real. In that moment, you’re both lost in your own world of naughty thoughts and sensations.

Discuss Boundaries Ahead of Time

Alright, before we unleash the full dirty dictionary, a real-talk moment: dirty talk isn’t one-size-fits-all. What one person finds deeply arousing might make another person uncomfortable or upset. That’s why it’s crucial to get on the same page about boundaries. Think of this as the “consent and preferences” chat – and it can actually be a sexy conversation in itself (kind of like plotting your own erotic script).

Pick a relaxed moment outside the bedroom to ask your partner how they feel about talking dirty. You might be surprised – maybe they’ve been dying for you to unleash your inner vixen or bad girl, but were too shy to bring it up. Or maybe they’re nervous too, and you can reassure each other.

Dirty Talk Needs a Game Plan

Find out if any words are off-limits or particular triggers. Some people are fine with words like “slut” or “whore” in the heat of the moment, while others might find them hurtful. For example, your partner might say, “When partners call me a bitch, it’s not really a turn-on for me. I would love it if you called me a slut instead.”

Dirty words for body parts are worth discussing too. One person might love hearing their partner say “I want your pussy,” while another could prefer a tamer word. Or maybe “cock” is okay but “dick” rubs them wrong. Figure out which terms make you both hot and which to avoid. Good to know, right?

Also discuss what scenarios are okay. Are consensual degradation or name-calling in play, or would you both rather keep it loving and descriptive? Establishing this trust and understanding ahead of time means when you do start the dirty talk, you can fully let go without that nagging worry of “Am I saying something wrong?” Instead, you’ll know your partner is into it, and you’re both free to enjoy. Being on the same page creates a safe space where even extremely explicit fantasies can be explored with confidence.

Let Partner Reactions Guide You

Once you’re in the moment, use your partner’s reactions as your GPS. Dirty talk is a two-way street – it’s for both him and you (and any other configuration of partners) to enjoy. Pay attention to their body language and sounds. Are they moaning louder when you whisper something specific? Did their breath catch when you said that one dirty phrase? That’s a green light to keep going in that direction!

On the flip side, if you drop a super explicit line and you sense a pause or see a confused look, maybe ease off or switch to something else. For instance, if you call them a “bad girl” and they tense up or go quiet, that might not be their jam. And that’s okay – switch gears. Maybe try a different approach, like describing what you’re feeling (“Your skin feels so soft under my lips…”) or asking a question (“Do you like it when I talk like that?”). Their response will clue you in.

Think of dirty talk as an ongoing conversation (a very steamy one). Listen to the sounds they make – those are pretty honest reviews in real-time. If something gets a “Oh god, don’t stop,” you know you’re doing good.

If you get silence or a hesitant chuckle, maybe that line wasn’t a winner – and you both can even laugh about it later. The point is, you’re creating this sexual experience together. Staying attuned to each other ensures you both feel good and deeply connected. When in doubt, you can literally ask, “Do you like hearing me talk dirty to you?” Their answer (perhaps a breathless “Yes, I love hearing that”) will boost your confidence and tell you you’re on track.

Keep Them Thinking of You When Apart

Dirty talk isn’t just for the bedroom, and it’s certainly not only for when you’re physically together. One of the coolest techniques is using naughty words throughout the day (or when you’re apart) to build sexual tension throughout the day. This way, you two are basically in a prolonged dirty talk session that spans the entire day – or week – and keeps both of you man crazy horny for each other.

How do you do this? Flirty dirty text messages are your friend. Shoot your partner a mid-morning text like, “I can’t focus on work… I keep picturing your cock inside me from last night.” Bam – now they’re thinking about last night and possibly getting as hot and bothered at their desk as you are. Or maybe send, “Just the thought of you makes me so wet. Can’t wait for later.” That’s some potent lunchtime teasing right there. These little digital whispers plant erotic images in your lover’s mind that linger all day. By the time you reunite, you’ve built a ton of anticipation – which makes for intense sex when you finally get together.

Dirty Talk From a Distance

Phone calls can work too. You don’t have to go full operator (unless you want to!). Even a quick call to say, “Just wanted to tell you I’m not wearing any panties…” in a low voice can leave them stammering, “W-what?!” and grinning like an idiot for hours. The idea is to use communication – text, voice, maybe a sneaky note in their pocket – to weave a little sexy surprise into their day. You’ll both be more connected and turned on, even when spending time apart.

One of my favorite tricks: if you spend the night together, send a cheeky “recap” text the next day. “Hey, I can’t stop thinking about how you pinned me to the bed and made me beg last night. Round two later? 😉” Not only are you praising your partner (guys love to hear they drove you wild, and many women appreciate knowing their guy is replaying the hot moments too), but you’re also reinforcing the memory of that good sex and paving the way for more. Regularly using dirty talk like this keeps your lover deeply attracted and craving you – even if you’re physically miles apart at the moment.

Don’t Forget Aftercare and Emotional Safety

After you’ve talked dirty and perhaps done the deed, coming back to sweet reality is important. Aftercare isn’t just a BDSM term – it applies to any intense sexual or emotional experience, including a steamy dirty talk session. When you both come down from that erotic high, take a little time to reconnect in a loving way.

Check in with your partner after sex to see how they’re processing everything. If things got really hot and heavy verbally, make sure your partner is feeling heard—big emotions can arise! Ask if there were any dirty talk phrases they especially loved or anything that felt off, so you can adjust next time. Especially for those who enjoy degrading verbal play, aftercare keeps consent and boundaries intact.

This could be as simple as cuddling and saying, “That was amazing, baby. You okay? How did you feel about everything we said and did?” It might feel awkward to debrief at first, but it’s actually super healthy for your relationship. Checking in ensures any lingering feelings are addressed and reinforces trust.

You can even reassure each other. A simple hug and, “You know I only call you my little slut in bed because we agreed on it – you’re my love always,” can work wonders to separate fantasy from reality.

Remember: the point of talking dirty is to enhance intimacy, not secretly hurt feelings. So keep that emotional safety net in place. When you follow your dirty talk with care and understanding, you both feel loved and respected afterward.

Building Sexual Tension

Dirty talk is one of the best ways to build sexual tension and isn’t just about the momentary thrill of a hot phrase – it’s a powerful tool to supercharge the connection between you two. Regularly using it will keep an electric undercurrent flowing between you, full of imagination, anticipation, and desire. Let’s talk about why that matters and how dirty talk does all this magic.

Even science agrees: some research has reported that erotic or dirty talk fires up parts of the brain (like the hypothalamus) that influence sexual behavior. Translation: your naughty words literally make your brain light up with arousal!

Keep Them On Your Mind (and Vice Versa)

One big reason to talk dirty often is that it keeps you on each other’s minds. We touched on this with those midday sexts and calls. When you whisper something naughty in the morning like, “I loved feeling your body against mine last night – I’m getting wet just thinking about it,” you’re ensuring your partner is thinking about you (and that memory) on repeat.

Sexual tension thrives on anticipation and imagination. If your partner is in a meeting and suddenly recalls that flirty text about “just the tip, I promise…” you sent earlier, they’re going to have a hard time stop thinking about you. And that’s the goal! A little mental distraction can make them crazy horny for you by evening.

It works both ways – engaging in dirty talk means you’re actively fantasizing about them too. When you describe in explicit detail what you want to do later, you’re basically stoking your own fire as well as theirs. By the time you see each other, both of you are primed and ready, minds racing with naughty thoughts to act out.

Enhances Closeness and Intimacy

Believe it or not, dirty talk isn’t just filth for filth’s sake – it can actually make you two closer emotionally. How? Well, when you share your desires and let your guard down enough to talk dirty, you’re being vulnerable. You’re showing trust. That builds intimacy like whoa. Many couples find that exploring this side of their sexual communication makes them feel more aligned and in tune with each other. It’s like your own sexy little secret language.

Also, by asking each other what turns you on and literally voicing it, you learn more about each other’s inner world. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend had a secret fantasy about hooking up in an office, and you never knew until they started whispering, “I wish you’d bend me over your desk at work…” during a steamy makeout. Now you know something new about their turn-ons!

Dirty Talk Strengthens Communication

Sharing these private desires through words creates a deeper bond. It’s an intimate form of communication. Men and women alike love hearing that they drive their partner wild. In fact, many find that after learning to talk dirty, they communicate more easily about everything else too, because they’ve established a new level of openness.

There’s also a teamwork aspect: you both navigate this “dirty talk adventure” together, checking in on what works, maybe laughing about things that didn’t. That open communication can spill into other areas.

As any relationship expert would tell you, communication is key to a satisfying sex life – and dirty talk is just another form of communication! That open communication can spill into other areas. In fact, many find that after learning to talk dirty, they communicate more easily about everything else too, because they’ve learned to be open. Couples who talk openly about sex (including indulging in spicy talk) often report feeling more connected and satisfied overall.

Activates Imagination and Anticipation

Dirty talk is basically a workout for your brain’s erotic imagination. When your partner says, “Just wait until we get home – I’m going to tie you to the bed and do everything we talked about,” your mind immediately starts conjuring images. You’re picturing the scene: the soft restraints on your wrists, the things they might do first… (Did your heart rate just pick up a bit? Thought so.) Talk dirty long enough, and by the time the actual event happens, both of you have built it up in your heads, making it ten times hotter.

This imaginative aspect is gold for building tension. It’s like foreplay that can last hours or days. You’re essentially writing erotic fanfiction about each other in real time. “I’m counting down the minutes until I get to feel your mouth on me again,” you murmur on a phone call. Both of you then spend the rest of the day living in that little fantasy, replaying it, embellishing it. By night, the anticipation has peaked – when finally the moment arrives, it’s explosive because mentally, you’ve been at it for hours.

Another fun side effect: dirty talk can make even spending time doing boring chores feel charged. Folding laundry? Not sexy… until your partner slides behind you and says, “Watching you bend over like that is making me hard. Just thought you should know.” Suddenly laundry time includes a flushed face and a playful elbow to his ribs, and the promise of what comes after the chores. Mundane moments turn into flirty games. Tension built, mission accomplished – and chores got done, win-win!

Heightens Attraction and Desire

Plain and simple: hearing your partner express desire for you in explicit detail is a huge turn-on. When you talk dirty, you’re telling your lover “I find you irresistible, I want you, I’m fantasizing about you right now.” That’s incredibly validating and arousing. Who doesn’t want to feel desired? Whether you’ve been together a few weeks (and are in that new relationship lust-fest) or married for 10 years, that boost never gets old.

For example, imagine you’re a woman who sometimes worries your guy’s attention might wander to other women, perhaps. If he’s constantly telling you things like “You’re the only one I crave. No one else compares,” you’re going to feel pretty darn secure and turned on. Similarly, a man absolutely lights up hearing his partner purr something explicit.

Dirty Talk Deepens the Desire Loop

For a guy, hearing his partner whisper something like, “No other guys have ever made me feel this good,” is an ego-boost and a turn-on all at once. Or maybe your husband secretly wonders if you still find him attractive after years together. When you straddle him and purr, “You have no idea how deeply attracted I am to you… I get wet just watching you get dressed,” watch him light up (among other reactions). Dirty talk lets you explicitly affirm that attraction and it feels amazing to both give and receive that kind of praise.

This heightened desire feeds on itself. The more you talk dirty and see your partner go wild for it, the more you want them and the bolder you get. Next thing you know, your once meh sex life has transformed into something passionate and uninhibited. You two are like lovesick teenagers who can’t keep their hands (or words) off each other. That intensity is the result of both of you feeling truly wanted and free to express it.

In fact, some experts say the more explicit and passionate the dirty talk, the better the orgasm. One Women’s Health report noted that because dirty talk increases arousal, it can also make an orgasm more intense, leading to more sexual satisfaction and a happier relationship overall.

Longing and Intimacy Through Communication

Ultimately, dirty talk is a form of communication, and as every relationship expert will tell you, good communication in the bedroom can seriously improve your love life. By regularly sharing erotic ideas and checking in about what you want (even if it’s through the fun, naughty lens of dirty talk), you’re maintaining a strong intimate connection. It’s like an ongoing dialogue of desire.

When you’re apart, that dialogue becomes longing. A flirty, “I wish you were here right now – I’m so horny I can’t stand it,” text when one of you is on a business trip creates a sense of longing that makes the eventual reunion so sweet (and intense sex, guaranteed). When you’re together, that dialogue in bed – “You feel so good… yeah, right there, baby” – keeps you both engaged and feeling close during the act itself, not lost in your own heads. It turns sex into a team sport where you’re both the MVPs.

Couples who talk dirty often find it easier to voice other needs too. It builds confidence in speaking up. If you can boldly say, “I want your tongue all over me, now,” then asking for more cuddle time or expressing an emotional need might start to feel easier too. In this way, dirty talk can strengthen not just sexual intimacy but overall intimacy. It’s pretty amazing that whispering about body parts and filthy fantasies can result in a stronger emotional bond, but hey, welcome to the complexity of human relationships!

Dirty Talk Phrase Examples

Alright, you’ve got the techniques and you know why dirty talk is basically a superpower for your relationship. Now let’s arm you with actual material. Below are a variety of dirty talking examples – the following phrases range from tame to toe-curlingly explicit – that you can try.

Dirty talk phrases can range from playful innuendo to extremely explicit declarations of desire, and you should always tailor them to yours and your partner’s comfort level and preferences.

Remember: these are just examples. The best dirty talk phrases are those tailored to you and your lover’s unique dynamic. Use these as inspiration, adjust the wording to fit your style, and pay attention to what gets the best reactions.

Also, a quick note: delivery is everything. You can say the most innocent phrase in a sultry tone and it becomes dirty, or drop an F-bomb in a playful, teasing way that makes it less harsh. So experiment with tone and context. And always encourage feedback – a simple “Do you like it when I say that?” in a seductive voice can both sound sexy and give you intel on whether to keep that line in your repertoire.

Light and Playful Phrases

These are great for beginners or as warm-ups in any encounter. They’re sexy but not overly graphic – perfect for testing the waters or setting a flirty mood:

• “Just the tip, I promise…”
• “You look so hot when you do that.”
• “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
• “Remember last night? I can’t get it out of my head.”
• “I love how you smell… it’s driving me crazy.”
• “Once these clothes come off, you’re in trouble.” (said with a grin)

These light phrases work via text too, and they set a sexy-yet-easygoing tone that can lead naturally into more explicit territory once you both are revved up.

Descriptive and Sensual Phrases

Here we amp it up by describing what’s happening or what you want in vivid detail. Still not too crude, but definitely more direct and erotic:

• “I want to feel your mouth on every inch of me.”
• “Your skin is so soft, I want to kiss every inch of you.”
• “I can feel how hard you are for me.” (whispered while touching him).
• “I’m so wet right now, thinking about what you’re going to do to me.”
• “I want you to fuck me slowly while I look into your eyes.”
• “I want to taste you.”
• “I love the way you taste.”

These phrases engage the senses and make your partner vividly imagine the scenario. They’re great for during foreplay or even as “audio porn” when you’re apart (imagine whispering these over the phone – someone might just lose their mind).

Explicit “Dirty Dirty” Phrases

These lines go full throttle. Only use them if you’re both into raw, uncensored language and have discussed boundaries.

• “Do you like this pussy? Tell me how much you love it.”
• “I want to feel your tongue on my pussy.”
• “You’re my good girl during the day, but at night you’re my little slut, aren’t you?”
• “Fuck, you feel so fucking good inside me.”
• “That feels so fucking good, don’t stop.”
• “Get on your knees and put that mouth to work.”
• “I’m going to cum so hard while you scream my name.”
• “I fucking love it when you talk to me like that.”

Gauge the vibe. Don’t drop a “little slut” out of nowhere unless you know they’re into it. Try things, read their response, and adjust. Dirty talk is about connection, not perfection.

Text Message Dirty Talk Examples

Texting is a great low-pressure way to practice dirty talk. Sexting can be its own art form—and you don’t have to say anything out loud. Just type, blush, hit send, and enjoy the reaction.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• “I can’t stop thinking about your mouth on my body last night. I need it again.”
• “Sitting in this meeting and all I can think about is last night—your nails down my back and how you begged for more.”
• “If you were here right now, I’d push you against the wall and do bad things to you. What’s the first thing you’d want me to do?”
• “I’m not wearing any underwear. Thought you’d like to know.”
• “Go somewhere private. I want you to imagine my tongue on you… starting at your neck, going down slowly.”
• “Tonight, I want you to watch me touch myself. You can’t do anything but watch—until I say so.”
• Want to build even more anticipation? Try hinting at future plans:
  “I dreamed about you last night… I was on my knees and you were pulling my hair. Think we should reenact that?”

Sexting helps build confidence. If you’re shy about talking dirty in person, start with texts. You might find your bold alter ego behind the keyboard—and you can use those same lines later face-to-face.

Practice Out Loud for Confidence

This might sound goofy, but one of the best ways to overcome sexual inhibitions is to practice saying some racy words or lines when you’re alone. Seriously, go in the bathroom, look in the mirror, and whisper something risqué to your reflection. Or practice in the shower where nobody can hear you.

One sex coach I heard of even tells clients to do exactly that in front of a mirror – it really works. Even just reciting some of the dirty talking examples from this guide can help those phrases roll off your tongue more naturally.

Sure, you might feel silly doing this in front of the mirror (and you will probably giggle at yourself – laughter is good!). But trust me, it builds self-assurance. Think of it like rehearsing lines for a play, except the play is your life and the next scene is in your bedroom.

Some people also find it useful to consume a bit of erotica or watch scenes with good dirty talk to get the language flowing. Reading a steamy novel out loud to yourself can be surprisingly hot and give you ideas for phrases that feel authentic to you. You could even make it a fun game with your partner where you read a dirty passage to each other as “practice.” This way you’re basically using someone else’s words to break the ice, and before you know it, you’ll be improvising your own lines.

Dirty Talk Nerves Are Normal

Ever clam up the moment you try to talk dirty? If a guy asked you to talk dirty to him out of the blue, would you suddenly forget how to speak? You’re not alone.

Let’s tackle the elephant in the room: a lot of us feel shy or awkward about talking dirty. Maybe you were raised to think sex talk is taboo, or you’ve just never really done it and worry you’ll “do it wrong” (pro tip: there’s no one right way!). Especially for many women, there’s often an expectation to be a “good girl” who doesn’t talk about sex or use dirty language. If that’s you, it’s no wonder you feel shy – you’ve basically been trained to hold back. But guess what? Behind closed doors, being a bad girl (with your partner’s enthusiastic approval) is perfectly fine! In fact, it can feel empoweringto let that side out. And believe me, guys absolutely go crazy for it when their “good girl” turns naughty in private.

The Pressure of Perfect Dirty Talk

Why do we get so tongue-tied when it’s time to get vocal in bed? Embarrassment is common. You might worry you’ll sound “silly” or “perverted” or be judged by your partner. You might be self-conscious about your voice, or afraid you’ll laugh or mispronounce something and kill the mood. I once literally stammered, “I w-want you to, um, do that thing…”and my face was probably as red as a stop sign. We both ended up chuckling, and it was fine!

Keep it Simple and Real

Remember, there’s no “right” script you have to follow when it comes to dirty talk. You don’t need a huge vocabulary of kinky lines – even a few basic dirty talk phrases like “I want you so bad right now” or “You make me so horny” can work wonders if you say them with feeling. The truth is, there’s no magic set of words; it’s about saying what turns you on in the moment.

Most people are not sitting there grading your performance. Chances are, they’re thinking it’s sexy that you’re even trying. If he or she is into you, hearing you attempt to talk dirty – even if it’s a little awkward – is still sexy because it’s you. And the genuine desire behind it is a turn-on. You calling them “baby” in a trembling voice is still hotter than utter silence because it shows you want them.

It’s not just women – guys can feel shy or unsure about this too. We all worry about looking foolish in front of someone we care about. But ironically, being a little vulnerable can be endearing and even hot. Your partner probably finds it sweet and exciting that you’re making an effort. Men often fantasize about a lover who talks dirty, and a lot of women secretly wish their man would vocalize more. Both of you likely want this!

Practice and Small Steps

We covered practicing alone, which is huge for overcoming inhibition. Another great way to ease in is via texting as mentioned. Many people find their bold alter ego in written form first. If that’s you, roll with it! Exchange fantasies over text. Say things in writing that you might blush to say aloud. Doing so not only turns up the heat in the moment, but it gives you a stash of material you know works. Next time you’re together, you can recall, “Remember what you texted me about bending me over the kitchen counter? I’ve been dying for you to do that.” Now you’ve effectively quoted them, which can feel easier than coming up with it on the spot.

Dirty Talk in Real Life

Too shy to start with a bold statement? Ask a question instead. Try, “Would you like it if I talked dirty to you?” during a heated moment. It’s easier to ask than to dive in. If they say yes (they probably will), follow with, “What would you like to hear?”

This takes pressure off you and invites them to share what turns them on. Their answer might give you a clear line to echo. For example, if they say, “Tell me how bad you want me,” you can say, “I want you so bad I can’t stand it.” Boom. You’re doing it.

Once you say the first line, the next ones come easier.

And hey—if something comes out awkward or funny, it’s okay to laugh. Dirty talk doesn’t have to be perfect to be hot. In fact, a little humor can ease the tension and help you both relax.

You’re lovers, not actors. Laugh together, learn together, and don’t be afraid to try again. That messy, imperfect moment might just be what brings you closer—and turns you both on.

Using Resources and Role Models

If you truly feel clueless about what to say, do a little research – fun research, I promise. Read some erotica or find a few steamy scenes from movies or TV. (365 Days or certain episodes of Outlander, anyone? Those can light a fire.) Pay attention to the language that turns you on and borrow it. There are also sex coaches and relationship experts out there with books and blogs full of tips and examples (you’re reading one right now – hi!). Sometimes just knowing that an expert says “This is how you do it” gives you that boost of okay, I’m not crazy for wanting this.

Another idea: make an alter ego. Channel a character who’s famously sexual. Ask yourself, “What would Samantha from Sex and the City say right now?” or think of that confident friend who always speaks her mind and imitate her in your head. It’s like wearing a mask – sometimes you feel freer to act when you’re “not you.” But guess what – it is you, just the bold you. After a while, you won’t need that mental costume; you’ll realize your own sexy voice was in you all along.

Building Confidence Over Time

The more positive experiences you rack up, the more your confidence will grow. The first time you whisper, “I want to feel you inside me,” you might shake like a leaf. The tenth time, you’ll be purring it with a grin because you know how well it will be received. Each little victory – a phrase that made your partner gasp, that time you managed to say something totally filthy without bursting out laughing – is a step up the ladder of confidence.

And please, celebrate those wins! After an encounter, if you’re cuddling, you can even say, “Hey, I’m proud of myself tonight. I never thought I’d call someone ‘Daddy’ in bed, but seeing your reaction was so worth it.” Own your progress and revel in it together. Your partner will likely agree and shower you with praise, which reinforces your newfound prowess.

You’ll feel like an absolute badass – it’s an amazing boost to your confidence. One day, you’ll look back and realize the inhibitions have mostly melted away. You’ll be casually dropping dirty lines like it’s second nature – and enjoying the hell out of it. You might even become the unofficial “sexpert” among your friends because of how open and fun your bedroom communication has become. (True story: once you get good at this, friends will be like, “How did you learn to talk like that?!” and you can just smile mysteriously.)

When It Still Feels Hard, Remember the Why

If at any point you feel yourself retreating into self-consciousness, remember why you’re doing this. It’s not to perform perfectly or become someone you’re not. It’s to enhance pleasure and intimacy for you and your partner, and it’s to break out of a dull sex life and have some fun! Sex is supposed to be fun – messy, passionate, intense, tender, horny – all of it. Dirty talk encapsulates that.

Remind yourself that your partner is with you because they deeply desire you, not because they expect you to recite Shakespearean erotica. Any attempt you make, if it’s coming from a place of excitement and affection, will likely be received with appreciation (and lust). And if it really, truly isn’t their thing, that’s okay too – you tried it, you communicated about it, and maybe you find other ways to spice things up. The key is: you pushed past fear and gave it a shot. That in itself is something to be proud of.

Lastly, here’s a little secret: even people who seem super confident can feel shy about dirty talk with a new partner or when trying something new. It’s normal. So don’t think you’re the only one who has to overcome this hurdle. With time and practice, it gets easier and feels natural. You’ve got this guide, a partner who’s dying to hear what’s on your dirty mind, and jackandjilladult.com when you’re ready to take things even further.