Why Masturbation Is Good for Your Relationship

Ever worry that a little “me time” might be bad for us? You’re not alone. We’ve all heard whispers that masturbation in a relationship is taboo or even “cheating.” Spoiler alert: it’s not – in fact, it might just be one of the best things you do for your relationship. From reducing stress, and promoting better sleep to boosting your sex life, wanking (solo and with your partner) comes with many benefits. The truth is, masturbation is good for your relationship.

In this guide, we’ll debunk the myths, serve up research on why self-pleasure helps happy couples thrive, and even suggest a few fun ways to spice up your routine (yes, we’ll talk toys). So get comfy – we’re about to get honest about why masturbation is good for your relationship.

Masturbation Is Good for Your Relationship: Busting the Myths

Let’s address the elephant in the room: some people truly believe that masturbating when you’re with someone is wrong– like you’re cheating on your partner with… yourself. Sounds a bit ridiculous when you put it that way. Enjoying some self-love on the side doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your partner.

Far from being a betrayal, masturbation can actually help your relationship. Think of it this way – you’re doing homework for your love life. When you know how to satisfy yourself, you can show your partner what you like, making sex more enjoyable for both of you. There’s no need to feel guilty about it; all people pleasure themselves. It’s a normal activity, and there’s nothing wrong with it.

Many married couples and partnered people indulge in solo or mutual self-pleasure, whether they talk about it openly or not. In fact, evidence shows it’s a normal, healthy, and even beneficial act—regardless of relationship status.

The stigma around self-pleasure is rooted in outdated ideas. So if you’ve been raised to think self-pleasure is shameful or something to hide, it’s time to kick that guilt to the curb. Touching yourself is not infidelity, and enjoying it doesn’t mean your partner isn’t “enough.” It simply means you’re a human with a healthy sex drive and a sense of curiosity. Honest truth: you can have your partner and your solo fun too – it’s not an either/or scenario.

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The Science-Backed Benefits of Self-Pleasure for Couples

We’ve laid to rest the idea that solo sex equals cheating. But why exactly is it good for you and your relationship? There are many benefits. Science and sex educators have been studying solo sex, and the results are pretty convincing.

For starters, solo play is a healthy way to release tension. Orgasms trigger the release of feel-good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin, which boost your mood and counteract stress. It’s a stress relief button you can press on your own body.

The health perks go further: solo play can help you sleep better, improve your mood, and even alleviate aches and pains. When you’re less stressed and more relaxed, you’re likely to be a kinder, happier partner – that’s a win for your relationship.

How Masturbation Improves Relationship Satisfaction

There’s also evidence that me time can increase sexual desire rather than deplete it. The Cleveland Clinic notes that females who masturbate are more likely to report higher libido and greater satisfaction in marriage. In fact, one study found that married women who jilled off enjoyed tangible boosts in their sex lives:

• More orgasms
• Higher self-esteem
• Increased sexual desire
• Greater satisfaction with their marriage and sex life

That’s right – taking some quality self-love time can translate into a more satisfying sex life with your spouse. When you know what makes you orgasm on your own, it can be easier to reach climax with your partner (this is especially true for women, who often require direct clitoral stimulation to finish).

Self-pleasure helps you become an expert on your own pleasure, which pays off during partnered sex. Rather than being a substitute for intimacy, it might actually spark more sexual intercourse because you’re keeping your sexual engine tuned up and running.

Let’s not forget mental and emotional benefits. Self-pleasuring releases tension and can put you in a better mood. By reducing stress and boosting happiness, playing solo can indirectly reduce relationship conflict. It’s like a natural mood reset.

It can help fight off feelings of sexual frustration. Instead of stewing that it’s been a while since you and your partner got busy, you can take matters into your own hands and satisfy that urge.

Solo Sex as Self-Love, Not Selfish

Why do some of us stop masturbating once we’re in a committed relationship? There’s an unspoken notion that once you have one partner to meet your needs, you shouldn’t need to go solo. But here’s the reality: expecting your partner to fulfill 100% of your sexual needs is a lot of pressure on them (and honestly, not very realistic). Self-pleasure is not a rejection of your partner – it’s an important way to satisfy yourself in ways another person can’t.

Solo love is self-care. It’s a moment where you focus on your own pleasure, your body, your fantasies – without worrying about anyone else. That doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you normal. By enjoying self-pleasure, you’re taking charge of your own sexual happiness. And fun fact: knowing how to get yourself off can make you a more confident lover. You can literally show your partner the moves that work for you. Demonstrating on your own body or guiding their hand becomes much easier when you’ve done the homework through self-pleasure.

And if you’ve been avoiding your trusty vibrator or your go-to hand technique because you’re in a relationship, consider this your permission to bring it back into rotation. You get to explore what turns you on. Exploring fantasies on your own can help you understand your kinks or interests better. Remember, solo masturbation is good for your relationship and your self-esteem.

Mutual Masturbation Ideas for Couples and Partners

We’ve covered flying solo; now let’s talk about duets. Mutual masturbation is when you and your partner touch yourselves in the presence of each other. This can mean watching each other and getting turned on by the view, or doing it side by side while maybe doing a little kissing or dirty talking. You might even help finish each other off with a helping hand at some point.

A 2023 study found that couples who engage in mutual masturbation report higher sexual satisfaction in their relationship. Why? When you both do it together, you’re basically giving each other a live demonstration of how you like to be touched.

Playing together can also increase your sense of emotional connection. Getting yourself off is often seen as a private act, so doing it together requires vulnerability and trust. You’re literally baring your sexual self in a new way. When you show your partner how you touch yourself, you’re opening up a part of you that’s usually private, and that can bring you two closer.

From Vulnerability to Connection

Some couples find it’s a great way to build intimacy without the full effort of intercourse – maybe you’re both tired but still a bit horny, so you decide to get each other aroused by handling your own business side by side. It can be a fun twist on a quickie that leaves you both satisfied. It’s also an excellent option when intercourse isn’t feasible – for example, if one of you is feeling sore or one partner had a bit too much wine but still wants to play. If you’re new to it, start slow: maybe you begin by pleasuring yourself in front of your partner while they watch, or vice versa. Once you’re comfortable, you can do it simultaneously. You might be surprised at how intense it is to make eye contact during a mutual orgasm. Talk about feeling connected!

Mutual masturbation removes any pressure to perform for each other. Since each person is in charge of their own pleasure, there’s no worry like “Will I be able to make them climax?” You will, because they’re doing it! Plus the other partner gets a front-row seat and can cheer them on (or help however they want).

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Communication About Masturbation Strengthens Relationships

Both solo and mutual self-pleasure offer a lot of benefits for your relationship. But none of those benefits matter if you and your partner can’t talk about it. Communication is key when incorporating self-pleasure into your partnered life. The truth is, many couples avoid the topic because it feels awkward or they’re afraid of hurting each other’s feelings. It’s time to break that silence with some honest, respectful conversation.

Start by acknowledging that self-pleasure is a normal part of sexuality. You might say something like, “Hey, I read that most partnered people still masturbate and it actually makes their relationships stronger. What do you think about that?” This opens the door without accusation or defensiveness.

Be prepared: sometimes one partner might admit they’ve felt a bit insecure or inadequate, knowing the other enjoys solo sessions. Reassure each other that it’s not about replacing anyone; it’s about augmenting your love life. If your husband or wife worries that your vibrator or handy-dandy right hand is “doing a better job,” let them know that’s not the case – it’s just a different experience.

Open Conversations About Masturbation With Your Partner

You can even offer to show them what you do, turning a moment of potential insecurity into an educational (and sexy) experience for you both. No matter how much self pleasure you indulge in, it doesn’t diminish the love or attraction you feel for your partner. Make sure to say that. Sometimes we all just need to hear, “I love having sex with you, and jerking off doesn’t change that – it’s just something I also enjoy. It actually makes me more excited to be with you.”

Some couples don’t mind getting off separately without telling each other, while others prefer a heads-up or even an invitation to join in. Figure out what feels right for both of you. Maybe you’re totally fine with your partner watching porn during their solo time, or maybe that’s something you want to discuss.

Finally, communication itself can be a turn-on. Being able to say, “I touched myself thinking about you today,” or “I’d love if we tried getting off together,” can be vulnerable and sexy at the same time. It builds trust. It says, I trust you with my secret desires and I want you to be part of this aspect of my life.

That honesty can lead to trying new things in bed, from reciprocal masturbation sessions to incorporating toys or new practices you were shy to admit you enjoy. And when you openly discuss pleasure, your overall intimacy and connection deepen – in and out of the bedroom.

Best Sex Toys for Solo and Couples Masturbation

Self-pleasure and sex toys go together like peanut butter and jelly. And incorporating toys can be a game-changer for both solo and partnered fun. Masturbation is good for your relationship, especially when you explore new sensations and pleasure together. Many people use toys (vibrators, strokers, you name it) to enhance their pleasure.

What’s great is that these same toys can be brought into your couple’s playtime too – turning exploration into a shared adventure or making intercourse more exciting. Jack and Jill Adult has an entire arsenal of goodies to explore, whether you’re flying solo or playing as a pair. Jack and Jill Adult’s online store even has a section for Sex Toys For Couples, because they know partnered people need goodies just as much as singles.

For solo sessions, you might treat yourself to a new tool. If you have a vulva, a classic wand vibrator is a must-try – the legendary Magic Wand vibrator, for example, delivers powerful vibes that can lead to earth-shattering orgasms during self pleasure or foreplay. It’s been a trusty sidekick in many bedrooms for decades.

If you have a penis, consider a high-quality sleeve to upgrade your “me time.” A product like the Get Lucky Score Grip can provide a realistic sensation that feels almost like the real thing. It can be a fun way to enjoy solitary sex and discover new kinds of stimulation. Think of these toys as your personal trainers for pleasure – they help you practice and learn more about what makes you tick.

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Toys for Partners, Shared Play, and Shopping Together

Now, toys can add a whole new dimension to your experience for mutual play. You might start with a classic: use a small bullet vibrator against the clitoris during penetrative sex. The intense vibes can send her over the moon while intercourse continues, giving you both new sensations to enjoy together.

Or try a vibrating cock ring, like the Fantasy C-Ringz. This toy slips on and delivers steady stimulation to both partners—the wearer gets a firmer, longer-lasting erection, while their partner enjoys extra clitoral vibes with every thrust. It’s a win-win for mutual pleasure and makes shared orgasms even easier to reach.

Don’t forget about the extras. A little water-based lubricant can play smoother, reducing friction and increasing comfort and fun. You can also explore erotic literature, spicy audio stories, or other sensory accessories that boost arousal and let you share your fantasies in new ways.

For long-distance couples, app-controlled toys open up new possibilities. Sync your devices through a phone and control each other’s pleasure no matter where you are. This tech keeps things intimate across any distance, making mutual pleasure possible even when you’re miles apart.

The important thing is to see toys as teammates, not competition. They exist to enhance pleasure for both of you, not to replace anyone. Many couples find that bringing toys into the bedroom leads to more laughter, curiosity, and honest conversations about what feels good. Shopping for toys together—browsing JackandJillAdult.com, pointing out what catches your eye, or picking out something surprising—can be a fun, sexy way to bond. By the time your new toy arrives discreetly at your door, you’ll both be eager to make playtime even hotter. Adding toys can show just how much masturbation is good for your relationship.

Embrace Masturbation: Good for Your Relationship and Love Life

The bottom line? Self-pleasure isn’t the dangerous, relationship-killing monster some people claim it is. In reality, it’s a normal part of a healthy sex life. It can bring real benefits to you and your partner. Taking care of your own needs and embracing your sexuality is self-love. When you do that, you’re in a better place to love someone else.

So go ahead and enjoy that private solo session without fear that it’s going to wreck your marriage or make your lover run away. It helps you relax, boosts your mood, and can even make your partnered encounters more pleasurable and frequent. It can spice up foreplay, increase both partners’ odds of orgasm, and keep sexual passion humming along even when life gets busy. And perhaps most importantly, it keeps you connected to yourself – your own body, your own desires – which is something we should never lose, partnered or not.

As you embrace a more open, shame-free approach to self-pleasure, you’ll likely find your confidence in the bedroom grows. Instead of tiptoeing around the topic, you might start sharing hints with your partner. You might explore yourselves together and feel closer than ever after witnessing each other’s raw pleasure.

The truth is, a couple that can laugh, learn, and orgasm together stays together. So ditch the guilt, grab the lube, maybe browse a fun toy on jackandjilladult.com, and enjoy some quality self-love – doctor’s orders! Your relationship will be all the stronger (and hotter) for it. Here’s to hands-on happiness for you and your partner, and a sexier, more intimate journey ahead. Enjoy, and happy masturbating!