Sex Toy Bans and the Ridiculous Crusade in Texas

Welcome to Texas, where lawmakers apparently believe saving the republic starts with banning vibrators. Yes, really. Sex toys have become a bizarre political football in the run-up to campaign season. It’s as if sex toy bans the 2025 election season will be the defining issue – not jobs, not health care, not even the usual border drama, but dildos and vibrators.

The absurdity would be hilarious if it weren’t actually happening. Conservative politicians, obsessed (in every sense) with regulating moral behavior, have declared war on your bedroom novelties. Why? To “protect the children,” of course – the go-to rallying cry whenever they want to police adult behavior. It’s a First Amendment nightmare wrapped in a morality crusade. And it’s all unfolding with a straight face in Texas politics.

How did we get here? Simple. Some lawmakers apparently woke up and thought, “You know what our state really needs? More laws about what grown adults can do in private.” So now personal pleasure products are enemy number one.

The Texas legislature has a long track record of moral grandstanding – from obscene devices laws to crackdowns on sexually oriented business venues. But recently, they’ve outdone themselves, introducing new bills that target sex toy sales both online and in stores. It’s a scenario so ridiculous you’d think it was satire. Sadly, it’s real – and it’s about to become a campaign talking point. Let’s break down this theatre of the absurd.

Texas Lawmakers vs. Vibrators: A Brief History of Obsession

Texas has always had a weird relationship with sex toys. Believe it or not, it’s technically illegal in the Lone Star State to own too many vibrators. Yes, Texas Penal Code still says possessing more than “six obscene devices” – i.e. more than half a dozen dildos – is a criminal offense. (Apparently, seven is the magic number where pleasure becomes a public menace.)

This archaic law has been on the books for decades. It was deemed “unenforceable” by judges a while back, yet it stubbornly remains written in the code. Talk about government overreach into the bedroom – Texas literally had a “no dildos allowed” law to begin with. That set the stage for today’s antics.

New Sex Toy Bans, Old Obsessions

Fast forward to now, and instead of repealing that silly statute, Texas Republicans are doubling down. In the latest legislative session, they filed not one but two bills aimed at sex toy sales. You read that right – in a state grappling with power grid failures, they prioritized vibrators on the legislative agenda. The first measure, Senate Bill 3003, was introduced by State Sen. Angela Paxton (who, fun fact, is going through a marital divorce with the state’s scandal-plagued Attorney General). Her bill would force online retailers selling sex toys to implement strict age verification. Buying a sex toy online? Get ready to upload your driver’s license or passport to prove you’re 18+. Your credit card (which, by law, you must be an adult to have) isn’t enough – they want your ID on file.

It’s a proposed law that creates more hassle than protection. Privacy advocates are rightly alarmed – the government tracking who buys a vibrator is dystopian, and critics argue it violates free speech and First Amendment protection of adult content. After all, what consenting adults purchase is none of Big Brother’s business.

Keep Toys Out of Target?

The second bill, House Bill 1549, goes even further: it aims to ban the sale of sex toys at regular stores altogether. Only licensed “sexually oriented business” (think dedicated adult stores or strip club gift shops) would be allowed to stock vibrators, dildos, and the like. That means your neighborhood Target, CVS, or Walmart – all of which already carry a few discreet “personal massagers” in the wellness aisle – would have to clear those shelves.

Mainstream major retailers would be slapped with civil penalties if they dared sell a vibrating ring alongside the condoms. This “Keep Toys Out of Target” bill is a direct attack on how normalized sexual wellness has become. It’s as if these politicians saw vibrators creeping into polite society and thought, “Not on our watch!” They’d rather shove sex toys back into the shadows of seedy shops. The bill threatens fines and other punishments to enforce this prudish vision.

Freedom… But Not That Kind

Let’s pause and appreciate the irony: Texas is the state that preaches limited government and personal freedom at every turn – yet its leaders want to micromanage where you can buy a vibrator. They howl about “big government overreach” when it comes to things like health mandates, but apparently, big government poking around your bedroom is just fine. Can’t have the populace purchasing illicit rubber pleasure devices too conveniently! In their minds, obscene devices in aisle 5 of Walgreens are a greater threat than, say, the fact that you can buy an AR-15 rifle with far less fuss. The hypocrisy is rich and practically writes its own punchline.

Sex Toy Bans: Protecting Whom, Exactly?

What reasoning do lawmakers give for this crusade? Predictably, it’s all about protecting children and fighting depravity. They paint lurid pictures of minors stumbling upon a sex toy at the local pharmacy and being psychologically scarred, or predators using sex toys as lures. One supporter of the retail ban claimed it’s to stop “misogynistic exploiters” and child predators lurking behind every adult novelty display.

Seriously. They lump sex toys in with drugs and trafficking, as if a vibrator on a store shelf is as dangerous as an illicit drug or a bag of fentanyl. To listen to their rhetoric, you’d think vibrators are gateway devices leading youth down a path of sin and crime. “We must safeguard our communities and children,” they proclaim, conflating consensual adult pleasure with threats to kids. It’s the oldest trick in the book: moral panic. Won’t somebody please think of the children?!? – even if it means wildly overreaching into adult lives.

Manufactured Morality Crisis

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott eagerly signed previous laws in this vein, and he’s likely to cheer on these new bills, too. Abbott and his allies posture as valiant defenders of morality, fighting a scourge of filth. In reality, they’re inventing a crisis where none exists. But facts don’t matter in a culture war. It’s all about the optics: passing laws that sound “tough on obscenity” so they can crow about it on the campaign trail. It’s red meat for their base – a shiny distraction from genuine issues. Why address crumbling infrastructure or underfunded schools when you can heroically battle the evil dildo?

If this all sounds like a bad joke, that’s because it is. Late-night comedians had a field day when these bills were introduced. Texas became a punchline about prudish politicians with too much time on their hands. Even many ordinary Texans rolled their eyes – after all, plenty of conservative Texans themselves own sex toys (whether they admit it or not). But the Texas Capitol is dead serious.

The lawmakers pushing these outrageous sex laws truly believe in legislating morality. They’ve already proven it with other laws: requiring porn sites to have age gates, restricting any remotely “sexual” performances in public, even banning drag shows under vague indecency definitions. It’s a full-court press of prudishness. And it’s not just Texas – this is part of a larger hard-right movement nationwide, post-Roe, to police sexuality wherever they can: porn, social media, library books, you name it. Texas is just on the bleeding edge of the absurd.

Collateral Damage: Sex Workers and Adult Businesses

While the crusaders claim to target “smut” and protect innocents, the people actually getting hurt are sex workers and everyday adults. These laws and bills have very real consequences for those in the adult industry and beyond. Let’s start with sex workers – an umbrella that includes strippers, erotic dancers, porn performers, cam models, adult toy sellers, and more. In this heated political climate, they’ve become convenient scapegoats and punching bags.

Texas has already dropped the hammer on strip clubs and adult entertainers in recent years. In 2021, the state passed a law banning anyone under 21 from working at sexually oriented establishments. Previously, 18- to 20-year-olds could dance or bartend at strip clubs – perfectly legal adult employment. But no longer. Overnight, hundreds of young Texans lost their jobs when that law took effect immediately. No grace period, nothing. One day they were earning income as dancers, servers, even club janitors; the next day, poof – unemployed for being under 21.

Sex Toy Bans: Moral Panic Meets Reality

The bill’s sponsors trotted out the usual claims: it would sever ties between strip clubs and trafficking, shield young women from being “lured” into a life of sin, yada yada. One even testified that letting 18-year-olds dance “introduces them to selling their bodies” and exposes them to drug use and prostitution, as if every strip club is an automatic den of vice. They paraded horrific trafficking survivor stories to give a veneer of righteousness. And then they kicked countless consenting young women (and men) to the curb with zero support. Ironically, this happened right after the state also cut off extra COVID unemployment benefits – talk about a cruel double whammy. Many dancers had no warning and suddenly couldn’t pay rent or feed their families. So much for “saving” people.

Sex workers in Texas widely decried the move. Dancers and club workers protested this law loudly. They insist they never felt unsafe at work. They argue that lawmakers tried to solve a fake problem. Experienced strippers bluntly reject trafficking panic. They say clubs are not hotbeds of crime. They call it moral panic without real data.

Vice squads already monitor these venues closely. Clubs follow rules to protect their licenses. Nobody wants fines for underage drinking or a lost liquor license. But nuance doesn’t play well in politics. The result? Texas politicians got to thump their chests about fighting trafficking, while sex workers got robbed of their livelihoods. That law is now in effect statewide, and clubs have had to re-staff or close on some nights. Dancers who were 20 had to quit the industry or move to another state to work. Lives were upended for the sake of moral posturing.

Taxes, Toys, and Targeting

And it hasn’t stopped there. Texas also slapped a special fee on strip clubs (the infamous “pole tax” – a $5-per-customer charge) supposedly to fund sexual assault programs. Imagine taxing strip clubs to pay for the damage the legislature assumes they cause. Again, the message is clear: the state views adult businesses as piggy banks and pariahs.

Now with these new sex toy laws, another sector of adult entertainment is under fire. If mainstream stores can’t sell sex toys, guess who suffers? Smaller brands and manufacturers of these products lose distribution. Entrepreneurs who created innovative new toys (especially women-owned or health-focused startups in the “sexual wellness” industry) struggle to reach customers easily. It pushes the entire business back into the shadows. The more you treat something as shameful contraband, the more social stigma sticks to anyone involved – including the consumer. So adult consumers get hurt as well, being made to feel like deviants for buying a perfectly normal product.

And of course, these laws feed into the narrative that anything sex-related is dirty and criminal – a narrative that harms sex workers most of all. It’s a short leap from “vibrators are obscene, must be hidden” to “people who sell sexual services or content are obscene, must be jailed.” In fact, Texas also amped up prostitution laws recently, making solicitation a felony in their zeal to combat trafficking. That might sound good (“go after the johns!”), but in practice it often means driving sex work further underground and making it more dangerous for providers. It’s all part and parcel of the same mindset: legislate away the sex industry entirely, consequences be damned.

Cultural Whiplash: From Bedroom Taboo to Target Aisle

What makes Texas’s crackdown even more farcical is how out-of-touch it is with modern reality. Sex toys are no longer some hush-hush taboo hidden in trench coat pockets. They’ve gone mainstream, y’all. We live in an era where you can stroll into a bright-lit Target store and find a section for “sexual wellness” with vibrators in cute pastel packaging. CVS and Walgreens stock things like vibrating cock rings and personal massagers near the condoms and lube. Major retailers have quietly sold these items for years, and lately they even advertise them more openly, dropping the old euphemisms. (Remember when everything was a “back massager”? Those days are over. A vibrator is called a vibrator, with a pretty box that practically winks at you from the shelf.) The point is, America has largely accepted that adults use sex toys – for pleasure, for intimacy, even for health.

Yes, health. Therapists and doctors have prescribed vibrators for decades to address sexual dysfunction or enhance pelvic floor strength. The National Library of Medicine notes that vibrators can help treat issues like erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia, as well as improve vaginal health and reduce pain. In other words, these are, in some cases, medical devices, not instruments of sin. Many people – men and women – consider them part of a healthy sex life. Meanwhile, surveys show that more than half of U.S. adults own at least one sex toy. That’s right: statistically, if you’re at a Texan dinner party with 10 people, odds are 5 of them have something buzzing in their nightstand drawer. Even in conservative regions, folks are breaking the stigma. (Fun fact: a survey found Midwesterners are most likely to own a sex toy, despite that region being culturally conservative in other ways.

Sex Toy Bans vs. The Wellness Market Boom

The rise of the sexual wellness industry has been huge over the last decade. It’s a multi-billion dollar market now. Startups run by women and LGBTQ entrepreneurs have flourished, emphasizing that sex is natural and pleasure is not shameful. This cultural shift has seen sex toys framed not as dirty little secrets but as empowering tools. Millennials and Gen Z talk openly about them on social media platforms, sharing recommendations the way previous generations might have shared Tupperware tips. Heck, you can watch YouTube reviews of the latest couple’s vibrator (probably demonetized, but still). The stigma is fading fast for everyone – except, it seems, Texas politicians.

So here comes Texas, marching backward in time, trying to re-stigmatize what society has largely de-stigmatized. It’s cultural whiplash. Imagine being a woman who finally felt comfortable enough to buy her first vibrator at a major retailer like Walmart, only to hear your state wants to label it obscene and lock it behind the counter of an adults-only shop. The message from the state is clear: “This is dirty. You’re dirty for wanting it.” It’s slut-shaming in legislative form. The first amendment arguments aside (and there are strong ones – selling legal adult products is a form of expression and should enjoy First Amendment protection from arbitrary censorship), it’s just insulting to adult Texans who are capable of making their own choices.

Why Bans Backfire

Those worried about minors should maybe focus on better sex education or monitoring social media platforms – not policing Walgreens. It’s like banning umbrellas in a hurricane; the storm will rage regardless. And if the concern is moral decay – newsflash: people in Texas will still have sex and seek pleasure like people everywhere do. They’ll order toys from out-of-state companies, or 3D-print them, or who knows what. In the worst case, if some overzealous cop tried enforcing the “six dildos” rule, you’d just see more underground selling or laughable attempts at enforcement (“Quick, hide the seventh one! The vibrator vice squad is here!”). Prohibition of anything that people genuinely desire has never worked. All it does is breed contempt for the law and maybe a thriving black market.

Fighting Back: Sex Workers and Allies Find Their Voice

Here’s the silver lining to all this nonsense: it’s firing up the very communities the politicians seek to quash. Sex workers and their allies are increasingly mobilizing, organizing, and yes, voting. If you push people to the brink by attacking their livelihoods and their freedoms, don’t be surprised when they push back – at the polls and in the courts.

We’ve already seen sparks of resistance. When Texas’s porn age-verification law took effect, the adult industry didn’t roll over. Websites like Pornhub outright blocked access in Texas rather than comply, and they slapped a message on their homepage urging Texans to call their representatives and complain. Imagine the average Texas voter going to their favorite adult site and being greeted with a note essentially saying, “Your government is censoring this, here’s how to fight back.” That’s one way to get the public’s attention! The Free Speech Coalition took Texas to court on First Amendment grounds – and won an injunction. The legal battle is ongoing (heading to the Supreme Court, in fact), but meanwhile, many Texans who never gave politics a thought suddenly saw how these issues affect them personally. Nothing like having your private browsing interrupted by a nanny-state notice to make you politically aware.

Strippers on the Front Lines

Strippers and club workers in Texas refuse to stay silent. They protest, sue, and speak to the media about harmful laws. They call out the hypocrisy. Lawmakers claim they fight misogynistic exploiters but end up using misogyny themselves. They treat all sexual labor as victimhood and erase women’s agency. Exotic dancers warn that they lose First Amendment protections too. The Constitution classifies exotic dancing as expressive conduct. Lawmakers raise the working age and force clubs to close early. Dallas now makes strip clubs close at 2am. Texas is curtailing erotic speech by adult performers. This censorship hits adult entertainment hard.

These sex workers, from strippers to online creators, are increasingly linking up with civil liberties organizations and advocacy groups. They’re organizing voter registration drives quietly in their communities – yes, imagine a stripper slipping a voter registration form to a loyal customer along with a lap dance. “Want to really make me happy, honey? Go vote next November and get these clowns out of office.” Sarcasm aside, voter mobilization among sex workers is becoming a thing. Groups like the Sex Workers Outreach Project and other grassroots organizers are educating their peers that politics does impact them – so they need to impact politics. After feeling betrayed by politicians on both sides (remember, FOSTA/SESTA was bipartisan), a lot of sex workers had become cynical about voting. But this new wave of direct attacks is sparking a shift.

Sex Toy Bans Spark Political Backlash

Don’t underestimate the number of people who are fed up with these policies. It’s not just the roughly adults employed in the adult industry; it’s their customers, their partners, and plenty of regular folks who just value personal freedom. Even in Texas, there’s a significant libertarian streak that finds this government prudishness appalling. These laws could galvanize unlikely coalitions – from young liberals passionate about sexual freedom to older conservatives who feel government has no business telling you how to live your private life. It’s a strange-bedfellows scenario waiting to happen.

We might soon see campaigns where candidates actually address this: “Hey, Texas, tired of the government messing with your private fun? Vote for me, I’ll get Big Brother out of your bedroom.” It sounds almost comical, but in a purple-trending Texas, every issue that can peel voters away from the ruling party counts. The ruling party’s overreach on personal issues might become their Achilles heel. There’s historical precedent: remember when anti-sodomy and anti-sex-toy laws in the South were ridiculed and eventually struck down? Public sentiment shifted. I suspect we’re at the start of a similar shift here.

Stay Informed, Stay Engaged, and Stay Loud

At the end of the day, these restrictions on sex toys and adult entertainment epitomize the broader struggle between individual liberty and authoritarian moralism. It’s easy to laugh at the absurdity – and we should laugh, dark humor is a great weapon against the pompous – but we also have to act. Today they’re coming for vibrators and strip clubs; tomorrow it could be something even more fundamental. When lawmakers start claiming the power to monitor what you do in your bedroom, every citizen should raise an eyebrow (and then raise hell). This is about more than just obscene devices or racy businesses; it’s about whether we allow leaders to weaponize morality to control us.

So, what can you do? First off, don’t buy into the moral panic. Call it out. Talk openly about how ridiculous these laws are – with your friends, your family, on your platforms. Sunlight and mockery are potent disinfectants for bad ideas. Challenge the notion that an adult store or a pornography website is inherently evil. Remind people that consent and personal responsibility are key – a sex toy bought by a 30-year-old soccer mom harms nobody, and certainly isn’t a matter for state regulation.

Second, support organizations fighting this. From free speech advocates suing in court to sex worker rights groups raising awareness, lend them your voice and a couple bucks if you can. They’re on the front lines ensuring that constitutional protections aren’t eroded under the banner of “think of the children!”

Use Your Power at the Polls to Stop Sex Toy Bans

Most importantly, vote. It sounds trite, but it’s true: elections have consequences. The folks banning books and toys rely on sneaking their agenda through while the broader public tunes out, thinking “surely they wouldn’t really outlaw that.” Oh, they would and they are. Use your vote to send a message that these misguided measures aren’t what you want your representatives focusing on. Elect people who actually prioritize real issues – or at least who will leave your private life alone.

Texas is at a crossroads, culturally and politically. Will it double down on becoming a handmaid’s fever dream of banned adult content, or will common sense (and basic decency) prevail? The 2025 election season will tell us a lot. In the meantime, don’t let the ridiculousness fatigue you. Stay angry, stay amused, but above all, stay engaged. Because if we don’t push back on this prudish authoritarian streak, we’ll be one step closer to a world where the only safe pleasure is whatever the government deems acceptable. And nobody – left, right, or center – should want to live in that world.

So keep your Wi-Fi on and your vibrators at the ready. Support your local sex workers and sexually oriented businesses who are just trying to make a living like anyone else. And next time someone tries to shame you for defending sexual freedom, grin and say, “I stand for liberty – and libido.”

In this fight against prudish oppression, a sense of humor and a sense of justice are our best weapons. Texas, we’re watching – and laughing, and voting. The absurdity cannot stand. After all, this is America: land of the free, home of the brave… and marketplace of the sex toys if we want it to be. So let’s keep it that way.

Jack and Jill Adult proudly support your right to pleasure and protest. Buy your sixth adult toy (hell, buy your seventh) at JackandJillAdult.com — because in America, we believe freedom means never having to count your dildos.