
What Sex Therapists Do and Don’t Do For Your Sex Life
Going to therapy for any reason still carries stigma and confusion for many people, unfortunately. It’s even worse for sex therapy. There are a lot of misconceptions about who needs to go, what happens during an appointment, and what it says about you if you decide to see a sex therapist.
Jack and Jill Adult talked to two sex therapists who explained what they do — and what they don’t do — in their practice.
Sex Therapy is a Form of Talk Therapy
It’s Not Always Just About Sex
“The first job of a sex therapist is to get an accurate differential diagnosis,” says Nicole Prause, Ph.D., founder of Liberos. “People with depression often notice a lower sex drive early in depression. People who believe they are addicted to porn usually are not; they are just experiencing shame or using porn to cope with depression. Specializing in sex still means having a solid understanding of psychological processes. A “sex” problem may not really be a sex problem.”
You Can Go Alone or With Your Partner(s)
Be Ready for Homework When You Go
“Sex therapy differs from other empirically-supported therapies primarily in that in-session practice is very limited,” states Dr. Prause. “Sensate focus exercises, vaginal dilator exercises, and so on are all done with some level of nudity (and sometimes a partner) that would not be appropriate in a therapists’ office. It can be difficult to understand what a client is experiencing in their at-home practice. As a result, we usually have books like Femalia that have explicit, but non-aroused, images of the vulva to help us communicate appropriately about sexual issues.”
Westerband-Otero gives very specific “assignments” to her patients. “Sometimes sex therapy involves homework assignments such as reading, watching videos on certain topics, or doing exercises alone or with your partner(s) that were agreed upon in session to help you move towards your goals.”
Sex Therapy Can Help You Deal with Shame and Fear
Don’t Expect Sex
“The most common misconception is that sex therapists are going to engage in some kind of sexual activity with their clients,” states Westerband-Otero. “We often have discussions with our clients about the sexual activity they engage in or want to engage in that can be a bit more detailed than what you may encounter in an average therapy session. However we do not engage in any physical contact with any of our clients, and our conversations are not meant to be arousing.”
“Every once in a while I get calls from people who seem to believe sex therapists are like phone sex operators and the callers engage in inappropriate behavior,” continues Westerband-Otero. “Unfortunately, this is very common in the field, but it will hopefully diminish as more and more people know what a session with a sex therapist is actually like.”
Conclusion
Just like anyone can benefit from general therapy sessions, anyone can benefit from sex therapy. You don’t need to have a scary or massive problem before you go. And you don’t even need a partner. If you know you carry some shame or fear about sex or you don’t know how to deal with or think about your sexual needs or feelings, a sex therapist can help.
Have you ever been to a sex therapist or considered going? Feel free to share your experience in the comments below!