Ask a Sex Educator: Your Most Embarrassing (But Important) Questions Answered

We’ve all been there—sitting on a burning sex question, dying to ask but already turning fifty shades of red just thinking about it. Even adults get awkward talking about sex. Words like “masturbation” and “orgasm” aren’t exactly dinner-table topics. But according to any good sex educator, these conversations should be easier. Sex is a normal, healthy part of life—and the same goes for masturbation. Being curious about these things just means you’re human.

If you’ve ever hesitated to ask something about your body or sexual health, you are not alone. Maybe you grew up without straightforward sex ed teachers, or perhaps you heard some questionable advice from friends and had to sort fact from fiction on your own. Many students do not receive a complete education about sex, focusing mainly on protection against pregnancy and STIs, while leaving out other important aspects. It’s time to get real answers to those “taboo” questions.

Creating an environment that feels safe enough to ask anything is key. Teaching sex ed means being ready to hear any question, no matter how embarrassing.

Why Is It So Awkward to Talk About Sex?

Why do even the most sexually active grown-up adults get tongue-tied the second sex comes up? Simple: we weren’t exactly set up for smooth conversations about it. Most of us grew up with sex as the family secret that parents never discussed. Many people never talked openly about sex as a child or with their parents—maybe you caught the basics in some dry sex ed class, but after that? You were on your own.

Don’t get me started on all the bad info floating around—urban legends from friends, or Hollywood scenes that are pure fiction. If you’re fed nothing but myths, and there’s no open, honest discussion, it’s no wonder most people have a list of “embarrassing” questions they never ask out loud. Not hearing honest answers often led to confusion and embarrassment for many.

Here’s the real secret: there are no dumb questions about sex. We all have gaps in our knowledge. The only way out of the awkward is through it.

Is It Normal to Masturbate (This Much)?

Let’s start with a big one: masturbation. As a sex educator, I can tell you many of us grew up hearing that masturbation was naughty, gross, or something to feel guilty about. In fact, you might hear all sorts of myths about masturbation from friends, family, or even in the media. Maybe you even worried it would cause hairy palms or make you go blind.

So, is it normal to masturbate? Absolutely yes. In fact, it’s so normal that most people do it– even if they don’t exactly announce it to the world. Masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression and self-exploration. There’s absolutely nothing bad about getting to know your own body and what feels good. However, it’s worth noting that many religions shun the behavior of masturbation because it does not lead to procreation.

People masturbate for all sorts of reasons: to relax, to release tension, to help fall asleep, or just for fun. It’s basically the safest sex possible – you can’t get pregnant or catch an STI from masturbation (solo play with your own hand or favorite toy). Masturbation can actually teach you what you enjoy, which can lead to better partnered sex because you can guide your partner on what you like. If you know how to get yourself to orgasm, you’re already ahead of the game when communicating with a partner.

How Much Masturbation Is Too Much? Sex Educator Answers

Now, about that “(this much)” part of the question – many folks ask, “Am I masturbating too often? How much is too much?” The truth is, there’s no magic number of times that’s “normal.” Masturbation only becomes a problem if it’s interfering with your daily life or responsibilities (for example, if you’re calling out of work because you’d rather spend all day masturbating, or if you’ve rubbed yourself raw to the point of pain – then, dial it back a bit). But enjoying some self-love a few times a week, once a day, or even a couple of times a day is perfectly fine.

Importantly, don’t let outdated ideas make you feel awkward or ashamed about it. Masturbating doesn’t mean you’re lonely or bad at “real” sex. Even people in relationships masturbate – it’s a personal thing and not a reflection of how you feel about your partner. And guess what? It’s not just “something guys do.” Women masturbate, too (yes, even that friend who swears she’s “never tried it” – either she’s shy to admit it or she’s missing out!). Every person has their own experience and comfort level with masturbation, and that’s completely normal.

I Can’t Orgasm During Sex – Is Something Wrong With Me?

You’d be surprised how many people worry about this. Sex educators hear it all the time. You might be thinking, “Everyone else seems to climax during sex, so why can’t I?” First off, not everyone is having earth-shattering orgasms every time – despite what movies or your braggy friend might have you believe. Every person has a unique sexual response, and it’s common, especially for women, to have a hard time orgasming from intercourse alone. In fact, the majority of women do not climax from intercourse alone. And that’s completely normal. It’s just how the human body works.

Here’s the deal: most women require direct clitoral stimulation to cum. The clitoris is basically the superstar of female pleasure (it has thousands of nerve endings for a reason), and the standard in-and-out thrusting often isn’t hitting that spot much. Meanwhile, guys have it a bit easier in that the motion of sex usually stimulates the penis enough to get them there. So if you have a vagina and you’re not finishing from penetration alone with a dick , you’re completely normal. It doesn’t mean you or your partner are doing something wrong or that you’re “broken.” It just means a little extra help is needed – which is totally fine!

Sex Educator’s Tips: Getting there is Normal

So what can you do? One option is to incorporate more foreplay (honestly, we should just call it “sex” too, because it’s all part of the experience). That can mean oral sex, using hands, vibrators – whatever floats your boat – before or during intercourse to give the clitoris the attention it deserves. Another tip: try different positions or techniques that provide more friction where you need it. Don’t be afraid to guide your partner’s hand to exactly the right spot or tell them “hey, do this.” Communication is key. It might feel a little weird to talk about it at first, but a loving partner will be glad to know how to make you feel good.

One caveat: if you used to have orgasms and suddenly can’t, or if you suspect a medical issue (like you literally feel no sensation or you’re on a medication that might dampen your libido), that could be worth talking to a doctor about. Sexual health is part of your overall well-being, and doctors and nurses have heard it all. They regularly hear these concerns from many patients, so don’t be shy about bringing it up if you think something physical might be going on. Otherwise, rest assured that needing a bit of extra stimulation or time to get there is perfectly normal. There’s zero need to feel embarrassed about it – you and a huge chunk of the population are in the same boat.

What’s the Deal With Anal? (Is It Supposed to Hurt?)

Ah, anal sex – the topic that often causes people to drop their voice to a whisper. A lot of folks are curious about backdoor play. So let’s address it head on (pun intended). The big questions people have: “Is it gross? Will it hurt? Is it okay to even want to try?” Here’s the lowdown: Anal can be a totally fine and enjoyable form of sexual expression, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and it definitely requires some precautions to be comfortable. Every person has different preferences and comfort levels when it comes to anal, so what works for one person may not work for another.

First off, let’s bust the stigma: wanting to experiment with anal doesn’t make you weird, dirty, or “wrong.” It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with your relationship or that you’re secretly this or that. It just means you’re curious about a different way to feel good. The anus has a lot of nerve endings too, and some people of all genders find stimulation there pleasurable. Nothing strange about that. And if you’re not into it? Also totally fine. Never let anyone pressure you into anything.

Sex Educator Explains: Does Anal Sex Hurt?

Now, is it supposed to hurt? Ideally, no, it shouldn’t – if done correctly. Unlike the vagina, the anus isn’t self-lubricating, so lube is an absolute must. And I mean lots of lube. Go for a good thick lubricant (silicone lube is great for anal because it doesn’t dry out as fast). Also, the muscles down there are used to, uh, things moving out, not in. So they tend to tighten up reflexively. The key is to go slow, use a ton of lube, and communicate with your partner. Start small – maybe a finger, then two, or a small butt plug – whatever feels okay. Some folks even find it helpful to experiment alone first – a bit of anal masturbation(with a clean finger or small toy) – to get comfortable before trying it with a partner.

If something hurts, stop. Anal might feel intense or give a “whoa, unfamiliar territory” sensation at first, but it shouldn’t be a sharp pain. Discomfort means you need to pause, apply more lube, or maybe try again later. And relaxation is crucial – if you’re tense and nervous, your butt’s going to be clenched tighter than a vault. It helps to be really aroused and relaxed beforehand (some people find having an orgasm through other means first can help relax everything).

Hygiene, Safety, and Comfort

Hygiene is another common concern – like, is it going to be a total mess? In reality, if you’re having normal bowel movements, the rectum (the last part of your butt) is usually empty. Some people like to do a quick rinse or enema beforehand for peace of mind, but it isn’t strictly necessary. Just make sure anything that goes in the anus is clean (and please, trim your nails if you’re using fingers – your partner’s butt will thank you). Also, one important rule: if you do anal and vaginal play in the same session, do not go back and forth without cleaning in between. Bacteria from the butt should not get into the vagina – that can lead to nasty infections. The simple fix is use a new condom when switching, or just finish anal last.

With the right approach, anal can feel good – but if you try it and decide “meh, not for me,” that’s totally valid. It’s your butt and your call. And if you’re the one who wants to try it but your partner is unsure, give them time and information. A sex educator might suggest starting with a small toy together, or just external massage to ease into the idea. Never pressure—just discuss openly.

Does Size Really Matter?

This question has probably been around as long as humans have been having sex. Let’s talk about the classic concern: penis size. There’s a guy out there (okay, many guys) wondering if his penis is too small or just not enough. Likewise, some women worry if their boobs are the “right” size or if their butt is attractive, thanks to all those images of “ideal” bodies. Everyone has their own insecurities about their body, and it’s completely normal to question if you measure up. But focusing on the penis for a moment—since “Is my dick big enough?” is something a lot of fellas get hung up on—here’s the truth: In most cases, size isn’t the be-all-end-all for sexual satisfaction.

Sure, a too-large member can sometimes cause discomfort, but good sex is so much more than just a particular body part fitting a porn-sized mold. Only certain nerve endings are triggered by penetration; a lot of women get more pleasure from clitoral stimulation (remember our orgasm talk above). So whether a penis is on the shorter side or the longer side, what matters is how you use what you’ve got and how you connect with your partner. Plenty of well-endowed dudes are terrible in bed if they think that size is all they need and put in zero effort elsewhere. Meanwhile, a smaller-than-average guy who is attentive, communicative, and skilled with his hands, mouth, or whatever? He’s likely leaving partners very happy.

FYI, the average is around 5 inches erect—those gigantic porn stars are outliers, not the norm. The same goes for the mental aspect: confidence and positive energy in bed matter much more than the size of any body part. If you’re comfortable in your own skin and genuinely engaged, that’s way sexier than any “perfect” proportions.

Is My Vagina Normal?

Ladies, this one’s for you – though guys, pay attention because you might learn something to assure your partners. A huge number of girls, especially after a healthy dose of comparing themselves to airbrushed images or even porn, worry that something is weird about their genitals. Maybe you think your labia (the inner or outer “lips”) are too big, too small, or asymmetrical. Perhaps you’re self-conscious about how you smell or taste, or you’re worried that after X number of partners or childbirth things are “looser” down there. Comparing yourself to others often led to insecurity about your own body. Let’s unpack these worries one by one and set the record straight.

First up, appearance. Vulvas (the external female parts often just called the “vagina”) are like snowflakes: no two are exactly alike. Every person has unique anatomy, and there is a huge amount of natural variation in how women’s genitals look. Some have inner labia that protrude beyond the outer labia; others have almost no visible inner labia. Colors vary, size varies, amount of pubic hair varies. One lip might be longer than the other, or one side of your clitoral hood might be a bit higher – it’s all normal. I promise, whatever you’re thinking looks “weird,” there are plenty of other women who have that trait.

Unless you’re a sex educator or OB-GYN, you probably haven’t seen a ton of other women’s genitals besides your own (and maybe a few partners if you’re into women). So trust the professionals on this: they’ve seen thousands, and yours is not going to shock them. To them, it’s all just normal anatomy.

Smell, Tightness, and Body Confidence

Speaking of OB-GYNs and other doctors, they want you to be comfortable asking about any concerns. I know it can be embarrassing to bring up – you might dread hearing “Nope, you’re the only one with that issue” – but that won’t happen. They’ve heard it all from their female patients: worries about appearance, whether their labia are “normal,” whether they smell “off” – you name it. A mild natural musk down there is normal; a fishy or truly foul smell might mean an infection that’s easily treated. But the everyday scent of a healthy vagina is just… a body smell.

Now, about the “loose” thing. This is a fear many have: that having a lot of sex, or giving birth, or even just time, will permanently stretch you out and ruin sex. The truth: the vagina is a muscle (well, a series of muscles). It can stretch (say, for childbirth) and then largely return to its previous state. It might not be exactly as it was pre-baby (just like your belly skin might be softer – and that’s okay), but it doesn’t turn into some gaping cavern because you’ve had sex a certain number of times.

There are things you can do to keep those pelvic floor muscles toned, like Kegel exercises. Kegels (squeezing the muscles you’d use to stop peeing) can help tighten things up if you do feel a bit slack, and they can lead to stronger orgasms too. But don’t overdo it or stress about it. Most people will find that their body adjusts on its own over time.

If some rude partner ever makes the mistake of saying something like, “You feel loose,” or compares you to someone else, just remember: Your body isn’t the problem; their attitude is.

Can I Get Pregnant If…? (A Sex Educator Explains)

Time for the lightning round on pregnancy paranoia. These are some of the most common questions people ask about pregnancy, and asking an important question about pregnancy can help prevent anxiety. So many embarrassing questions revolve around “Can I get pregnant if X, Y or Z happened?” As a sex educator, I hear this all the time.  It makes sense – pregnancy is a big deal, and if you’re not planning on a creampie, even a small risk can be terrifying. Unfortunately, lack of good info (and a few urban legends floating around) leads to some pretty wild questions. People hear a lot of misinformation, so let’s address a few common ones:

“Can I get pregnant if we didn’t have ‘real’ sex?”

This could mean anything from just rubbing genitals together, to oral sex, to using hands. The only way pregnancy happens is if sperm meets egg. That requires sperm to get into the vagina, swim up through the cervix, and fertilize an egg that’s hanging out in the fallopian tube. So, if his penis (and specifically ejaculate) never went inside your vagina, the odds are extremely low. However, be cautious with the rubbing naked genitals scenario (also called outercourse or “dry humping” even if you’re not dry) – if he ejaculates near the vaginal opening, there’s a teeny chance some swimmers could wander in. It’s unlikely, but not impossible. Oral sex cannot lead to pregnancy. In short: for pregnancy, think penis-in-vagina with sperm involved.

“Can I get pregnant if it’s my first time?”

Yes.

“What if he pulls out – I mean, he’s really good at pulling out, like lightning fast?”

Ah, the pull-out method(a.k.a. withdrawal). Some couples rely on withdrawal and don’t get pregnant – it can work if done perfectly. But here’s the catch: it often isn’t done perfectly. Guys can release a bit of fluid (pre-cum) before they fully climax, and that fluid can contain sperm. Not always, but can. And in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to mess up timing. So pulling out is definitely not as reliable as using a condom or other birth control.

“Can I get pregnant during my period?”

It’s less likely, but not impossible. Sperm can live inside the female reproductive tract for up to 5 days. So if you have sex toward the end of your period and you ovulate a little earlier than usual, those sperm could still be hanging around when the egg shows up. The risk is low, but if you really, really don’t want to chance it, always use protection no matter what time of the month it is. Plus, being on your period doesn’t protect you from STIs, and period blood doesn’t magically kill sperm or anything.

Now, I know these questions might feel silly to ask, but trust me, they are super common and we sex educators hear them all the time. When you’re sexually active and not fully informed (which is a lot of people), it’s easy for your mind to run wild with “what ifs.” The important thing is to get the facts straight. If pregnancy is a concern at all, consider talking with a healthcare provider about birth control options that fit your needs. There are so many methods out there now – from good old condoms to long-acting methods like IUDs and implants. Find one that you can stick with, so you don’t have to panic every time a period is late.

Is there a certain technique that I should use to make my wife squirt

Great question! Not all women squirt, and not all want to. Some do naturally, others never will, and that’s totally normal. The goal should be pleasure, not just the “squirting” itself. But, So many people are curious about making their partner squirt (aka female ejaculation). As a sex educator, here’s a straightforward, pressure-free answer:

Tips & Techniques for Squirting

1. Communication is Key
   Ask your wife how she feels about exploring this. Let her know there’s no pressure—just curiosity and fun.
2. Get Comfortable & Relaxed
   Squirting is much more likely when someone is relaxed, well-lubricated, and genuinely aroused. Take your time. Lots of foreplay helps.
3. Stimulation Matters
   The most common technique involves stimulating the G-spot, located about 1–2 inches inside the front wall of the vagina (toward the belly button).
   • Use one or two fingers (well-lubed!), and make a gentle “come here” motion, curling your fingers upwards.
   • Combine this with clitoral stimulation—either with your hand, a toy, or her own hand—for even more pleasure.
4. Build Up Slowly
   The feeling before squirting can feel like needing to pee. Reassure her that this is totally normal! Keep going if she’s comfortable; stop if she isn’t.
5. Encourage Her to Let Go
   Let her know it’s okay to let go and see what happens. Lay down towels, laugh if things get messy, and enjoy the experience together. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t—the real win is having fun and connecting.
6. Experiment with Positions
   Some people find it easier to squirt on their back with hips elevated, while others prefer being on top or doggy style. Try what feels good for her.
7. Try a G-Spot Toy
   Curved toys designed for G-spot stimulation can be great. Vibrators or dildos with a strong curve are especially helpful. Try a G-spot toy from Jack and Jill Adult you might like.

Phew, That Was A Lot – Any Final Advice?

We’ve covered a ton of ground – from masturbation and orgasms to anal adventures, body image, and pregnancy scares. It’s normal if you’re thinking “Wow, I’ve wondered about all of those!” or even if you’re still a bit bashful about some of it. Talking about sex gets way less awkward the more you actually do it. By dragging these “embarrassing” topics into the light, we take away their power to make us feel embarrassed.

There’s no shame in asking questions and seeking out accurate information. Whether it’s from a trusted guide (like a doctor, a counselor, or yes, a sex educator), or a reputable website or book, get the knowledge you need. The internet is overflowing with misinformation, and it can leave you more confused than when you started. Stick to sources that are grounded in real sexual health expertise. And don’t be afraid to reach out to professionals.

The more we all talk openly, the less power embarrassment will have. Open conversations about sex can improve the lives of everyone involved, making it easier to build trust, understanding, and healthy relationships. A mom, in particular, can play a key role in fostering open communication about sex, helping her offspring feel comfortable asking important questions and learning about their bodies. Sex shouldn’t be a forbidden, mysterious subject; it should be something we can discuss as needed, laugh about when appropriate, and take seriously when necessary (like with health and consent matters).

Your Sex Educator’s Advice: Keep Learning, Keep Talking

Sex ed is one of those things everyone needs, but almost nobody feels totally comfortable talking about. Whether you learned about sex from a blushing health teacher, a stack of outdated pamphlets, or whispered rumors in the back seat of the school bus, chances are your “education” left a few gaps. Over the past few decades, we’ve seen a huge shift—more people than ever are seeking out real answers about sex, sexual orientation, and sexual functioning. And yet, the awkwardness hasn’t totally gone away.

Why is that? For starters, sex ed teachers and even some parents still get embarrassed when the word “masturbation” or “anal sex” comes up in class. Many schools stick to the basics (if they cover sex ed at all), leaving out important topics like menstrual cramps, orgasm, or how to talk about what you want in bed. This leaves young people—and honestly, adults too—feeling like their questions are weird or shameful. Women, in particular, are often taught to keep quiet about their bodies and desires, which can make it even harder to ask about things like sexual pleasure or health.

But here’s the thing: sex is a normal, healthy part of life. Everyone deserves to understand their own body, whether it’s learning about masturbation, figuring out what feels good, or just knowing how to stay safe.

Now go forth and have fun (safely, of course – that includes solo fun like masturbation). Class dismissed – oh, and if you think of more questions later, you know where to find your friendly Q&A source. Or your favorite sex educator.

Where to Turn: Trusted Resources for Sex Ed and Support

When you have questions about sex, it’s hard to know where to turn. You might worry about being judged. You might fear getting the wrong information. The good news is, there are more trusted resources than ever. You can get answers whether you’re curious about masturbation, wondering about your body, or just want to know what’s normal.

Start with the pros. Sex ed teachers and sex educators are trained to answer all kinds of questions. They cover the basics of sexual health and the details about erections, pregnancy, and everything in between.

If you’d rather search on your own, there are plenty of good websites like jackandjilladult.com. Online communities also exist for sex education. Look for articles by certified sex educators or health professionals. You can also check forums where people share their experiences and give advice in a supportive, judgment-free space.

Sex ed isn’t just a one-time lesson; it’s a lifelong journey, and you deserve support every step of the way.

This article originally appeared on jackandjilladult.com.