Kinky sex can be anything from a quick tug of your partner’s hair and a smack on their butt to a full bondage scene with candle wax, knives, and name-calling, and anything in between. You don’t have to consider yourself part of the BDSM lifestyle to be kinky, but it is important to learn some of BDSM principles if you are.
Beyond the actual kink you want to explore, it’s important to keep a few things in mind so both you and your partner have a better, safer kinky experience.
Talk About Limits
Whether you’re the dominant/top or the submissive/bottom in your kinky sex, it’s important that you both discuss what you will do, and most importantly, what you won’t do. These are your limits. “Most people think about limits and boundaries for the bottom. Tops/dominants have limits as well. It’s important to make sure everyone is taken care of,” advises Rebecca Blanton, kink educator and expert.
When someone (often the submissive or bottom) says, “They’re ‘up for anything’ or ‘have no limits’ it’s a RED flag,” says Blanton. “This means they either have not thought about the wide range of BDSM activities and therefore lack the necessary understanding to consent to them. Or they have not explored their own boundaries and are likely to be triggered by activities they are unfamiliar with.”
Plan Your Kinky Sex Fun
The possibilities of what “kinky sex” can mean are almost unlimited. Whether you’re talking just a bit of rough sex or you want to do a deep-dive into BDSM, there’s a lot to consider. If you’re going beyond “rough sex,” plan what you’re going to do — and what your partner will do.
“Let your partner know exactly what items you plan on using or at least the broad category of them with what sensations to expect. This will let your partner know everything that’s going to happen is within their comfort zone,” advises Angela Watson, sex therapist and educator at DoctorClimax.com.
Have a Plan if Things Go Wrong
When you get kinky, things can happen. From physical pain that doesn’t feel good to being triggered in the middle of dirty talk, your kinky sex won’t always go exactly the way you picture it. “Have a plan in place in case one of the partners gets hurt,” says Blanton. Part of that plan includes using a safeword so all play comes to a stop as soon as possible and spending time with your partner to help and reassure them.
Put Together a Safety Kit
Not all kinky sex involves BDSM gear, but some of it does. You might be tying your partner to the bed or trying those wax play candles you bought during your last online shopping spree. If your kinky fun involves anything that might include pain, sensation, or bondage, Blanton recommends a safety kit.
“This should include safety scissors, antibiotic ointment, Bactine, bandaids in various sizes, burn ointment (if you are doing wax or fire play), benadryl cream or pills for allergic reactions,” says Blanton. If a problem comes up, you want to be able to help your partner as soon as possible.
Always Include Aftercare
Aftercare can mean different things to different people, but it’s an opportunity for both partners to check in with each other. For particularly rough kinky sex or a lot of heavy activity, the submissive or bottom partner may need a little extra attention to make sure they’re feeling good and have no injuries. It’s also a great way for a dominant or top to center themselves and spend time helping their partner feel good in a different way.
Watson explains, “Aftercare is an amazing tool to restore the balance in a relationship in a very practical way. Kink play often plays with the established power dynamics of a relationship and takes them to the extreme. When a dominant takes time after kink play to apply lotion to sore areas, wash off any leftover lubricant/kink-related fluids, and otherwise just take care of their partner, it lets the submissive know the other person really does care.”
Conclusion
Kinky sex with a partner is meant to be enjoyable and something you want to try again in the future. Part of making sure that happens is that you both have a good time. A little preparation before you get naked goes a long way to living your kinky fantasies and staying safe.
Do you enjoy kinky sexy? Have you tried any of these tips before or will you? Share in the comments below!
