Product Review: Jill’s Handyrabbit Really Satisfies

Jills handy rabbit vibrator by jack and Jill adult

While considering what to bring with me to please myself when I travel, I decided to try out Jack and Jill Adult’s Handyrabbit to see if it could keep up with me on a solo adventure mission. Though I had tried several other adult toys, I had not tried this one for my external and internal stimulation. I’m one of those who demand multiple areas to be tantalized while using a sex toy, which is why I like rabbits. In general, rabbits are my preferred go-to, as it gets both the clitoral and vaginal erogenous zones buzzing in a way that other sex toys don’t let alone have added vibration modes.

Sex Toy Logic

I chose a Jack and Jill Adult brand toy in this particular instance because I knew I would be traveling. I didn’t want to invest in one that I would cry if it got lost, stolen, or confiscated by TSA when they paw through my bags, all excited to see new sex toys. Thinking about leaving the country, those international flights can result in things coming up missing, and I’d be heartbroken if I bought a high-dollar rabbit that went by the wayside. Call me cheap or whatever you want, but planning a big-ticket vacation, I wanted to have my sexual bases covered but not spend a considerable amount that would break the bank.

Hook and Hang

Admittedly, when I saw that Jill’s Handyrabbit was on sale, that first caught my attention. The price was reasonable, but I was honestly drawn to the holding loop at the end of the vibrator. Picturing it perfectly, I could slip a carabiner hook through that loop and hang it above my bed or clipped onto my purse as I walk through airport security.

Open Carry Policy

That way, they don’t have to dig through anything. They can see it. Is that the way to do it?

Better yet, no bags. Let me clip that through my jeans belt loop. I’ll unhook it for the x-ray.

No Battery Burnout

Maybe that’s not why you purchase vibrators, but that’s where my mind went. I also liked that this was not a traditional battery-operated one, as I tend to burn through some batteries. Instead, this is rechargeable and ready to rock with some good vibration patterns.

Long Ears On This Rabbit

The ears on this rabbit are a little longer than some traditional rabbits, and they’re formed to rest on either side of the clit. Get that into position just right; you’re off to the races, no problem. The various vibrations add to this element in a fantastic way, too.

Submersible Waterproof Fun

As I said, I’m planning to take this silly little bunny with me to where it’s sunny, and that means that one of the things I for sure wanted was a waterproof toy. I don’t know if this will go into the ocean, a jacuzzi, or the shower, but it’s probably going somewhere wet. Even if it’s just inside me, since I get wet, why not invest in something waterproof?

For Your Health

It’s in the best interest of my health and mental wellness if I get off regularly, so why not be prepared for all scenarios regarding vibrators in the name of good health? My health involves having a lot of orgasms to make me happier and friendlier towards others, so I don’t have that pent-up sexual frustration. I cannot tell you why other customers shop for vibrators. Still, it left me curious to explore more of Jill’s collection.

No Sexual Frustration

Ask any man who has had blue balls if he is nicer after orgasms or if he’d rather have that sexual frustration built up in his shaft. People need to orgasm. For women, it’s not as easy as reaching down and yanking the old stick, but the shape can matter with pleasure.

The Sweet Spot

I found the most stimulation for this toy on the pull-out, which was slightly different. It took me a moment to find that sweet spot of how it could best get me off, as so many vibrators are designed to hit deep inside, whereas Jill’s fun little sex device hit best upon the pull-out, as opposed to the thrust inward. However, once I discovered how and where it felt the best on me, I was ready to try out those features, like the vibration modes shaking my clit.

I’ll Try More

The powerful vibrations were enough to satisfy me, but tell me what you think of your results. There’s a whole line of other Jack and Jill products to choose from, and I might make my way through trying out another product soon, as this was good enough to justify trying more. While you cannot always ensure the fit of how a product will hit, if you stay and play with it for a long enough time, you, too, will find your rhythm in a surprising way that might make you want to buy a few more things to try for a great price.

Still Love Favorites

Remember, you do get what you pay for, so am I going to go as far as to say that this is way better than some of my other favorite brands like Fun Factory, Evolved or Lelo? This was neck and neck just as good as those.

For My Purposes

Check out the item for yourself, but for my type of purposes, this more than fit the bill. Not only was the price an attractive option, let alone the handy loop that I could hook and hang it from wherever I needed, but I liked the powerful vibrations that it had to offer. When you’re clicking that button to add things to your cart as you browse on your phone or computer, you can probably understand my logic of using this on my intended trip to a potentially wet and tropical destination where I’d want to have my waterproof vibrator hanging within arm’s reach, just in case I need to pick it up and hold onto it for that perfect nightcap at the beach.

Let’s Get Wet

I’ll take it swimming with me if I want to. I will not be showing it off to everyone unless they want to see how versatile it can be hanging from unexpected places. Learn to have some fun when you have time to pleasure yourself and get Jill’s HandyRabbit.

Or if you’d rather curl up with some of my books for a good time, have at it. For questions and discussions, feel free to contact me directly through Skillr.

Small Penis Solutions

small penis

So, you are convinced that your penis is smaller than average? We have all sorts of solutions. It does matter if you have a small penis after clinical review from someplace like the Cleveland Clinic, if it’s from a rare condition, hormonal issues like not having enough testosterone, lower sperm count, the pituitary gland, genial abnormalities, scar tissue, erectile dysfunction, a webbed penis, buried penis, flaccid penis or any other inconspicuous penis caused by other disorders that licensed healthcare providers can tell you much more about, as we do not want to talk about normal size or how to get a stretched penis, just real life solutions.

Opinion on Micropenis

While not suggesting that you run to the local healthcare provider to see the treatment options for smaller than average penises, as you don’t need to be medically reviewed by a doctor or pediatric urologist to measure your penile size; men do not need to have an opinion on if they have a micropenis. If you feel insecure, we are here to give you some sex toy treatment options that may or may not have been medically reviewed. That means we do not need to diagnose micropenis, give you a physical examination to determine the pathological micropenis, hormonal abnormalities, growth hormone, potential risks or any other medical term that a scientific world journal would be throwing around about your penis.

No Counseling Required

Sorry if you were looking for advice on hormone treatments like testosterone therapy or cosmetic surgery, as you do not need psychological counseling for genital abnormalities or other health concerns when you can forget about the proper measurement and invest in some new toys to try out for systematic review with your partner. Stop insisting that your penis is the size of a hog leg and worry about heart problems from testosterone treatments. You probably have an average-sized penis and can learn more about sexual function.

Back to Basics

By that, we are not talking about the motion of the pubic bone or how the penis responds. As much as the world is on the kick that everyone needs testosterone treatment, let’s get back to basics. Instead of focusing on penile length and wondering about the average stretched penile length, stop obsessing over what a normal size penis is, the years of penile growth, or whatever hormone treatment; stop considering penis enlargement surgery or your erect penis length.

Starting with Tongue

Instead of worrying if you have an abnormally small penis, focus on giving oral orgasms. You can find many tips with some research online, such as ways to make him melt in your mouth. There are places to learn how to make women orgasm as well.

To increase pleasure, get one of the oral vibrators. That way, you can give the vibration sensation and your tongue techniques to crank up the orgasms. Extra tantalizing goes a long way, especially when oral is concerned, so add a finger or two.

Sure, some cultures are not as big on oral pleasure, and while I get that, if you are worried about pleasing your partner, bite the bullet and try it. Most people want an orgasm; many do not care how they orgasm, as they want to feel good. If you can please your partner through oral stimulation, start flicking the bean or the shaft, and if you’re really against oral, get a toy that is just like the real thing without the touching.

Study in Silence

Bust out some tutorials and learn tricks from others on your own time without knowing. Your partner will notice you with wide eyes and a big smile when your skill level increases. There are also tons of other skills to increase that do not involve penetration with a penis.

Try Hand Techniques

Do you need to strengthen your finger-banging techniques? Do you need to learn how to elevate the hand job to an art form? How about tips on how to orgasm without penetration?

Give a Breastgasm

When trying to please your partner, don’t forget about other erogenous zones, such as breasts. Both men and women have nipple sensitivities, so why not stimulate them? Do you need to research how to give the best breast orgasms, or do you already know?

Try Tantric Techniques

Learn more about energy flow. Study up on Tantra and learn the best Tantric Techniques. Are you good enough to give a full body energy orgasm from using massage and some Tantra?

The Prostate Orgasm

Are you more into men? Do you know how to give a prostate orgasm? Bend over and give the come hither.

On Exploring Anal

Why are so many people scared to discover the orgasms they can have through anal sex? Try pulling out anal beads just as you cum to increase the orgasm, or try a butt plug for a change. If you’re convinced that you have a small penis, up your anal game, as many partners are up for a small penis to try anal for the first time, so learn the spots to hit and how to toss the salad.

Try Different Positions

It’s not a secret that different sexual positions can make a difference in penetration depth. If you have only been doing the standard missionary, spice things up by trying some doggy style. Learn how to grind on the clit effectively while penetrating, too.

Find the Clit

If your partner is female, do yourself a favor, find the clit, love it, and stimulate it always. It doesn’t matter if you are licking it, rubbing it, or using a vibrator on it, as things like vibrating cock rings are great supplements if you fear your penis is not getting deep enough, inviting the clitoral climax to double up with your penetration. Especially if you want to try anal, be sure to have a vibrator on the clit, especially when trying for the first time, as this will help distract from any pain, and be sure to go slow at first, as too fast can result in tearing.

Know the Location

To increase your sexual functioning, make sure the clit is happy, and you know where to find it. The clit is not on the fupa (fat upper pussy area), nor on the inner thigh. Some people dive between the thighs and hope for the best, licking at whatever, but if you want to be effective, learning to lick that clit, flick the bean, or vibrate the man in the boat is best.

Don the Dildo

When you fear that you have a small penis, you can always supplement it with a dildo. If you think you’re not penetrating deep enough or finish early and want to ensure your partner gets off, then bust out the dildo for help. G spot dildos are shaped with a specific design to go straight up to the g-spot. You could also get a rabbit vibrator which has clitoral stimulation, too.

Strap It On

Strap-ons are not just for lesbians. They make penis extenders, so you can put them over your penis to make it longer without surgery, medications, or scarring. Some of them even come with vibrating options, which I would recommend, as it ups the stimulation.

Strapless Strap-On

Sure, ladies can try various strap-on solutions, including a strapless strap-on, one of my favorites. This allows for one lady to insert part inside of her to keep it in, while having a penis-like extension to insert into a partner. Add vibrations to both of these parts, and you get that vibration that stimulates the clit while grinding, as well as the g-spot.

Penis Extender Sleeve

Many people go for the cost-effective and fastest way to reach their goals. Penis extensions are great for wearing to add a few inches and a little girth.

Try Some Bondage

While some think guys with small penises have something to prove, like they need a massive boat or truck, others have been accused of having control issues. If you like to be in control, you might want to consider exploring the world of bondage, especially learning how to stimulate the senses without penetration. A lot of bondage is about the buildup to an orgasm and then waiting to be allowed to have the pleasure of orgasm finally.

Give up control by letting a trusted partner blindfold you or strap you into some cuffs. Bust out the rolling leather table to spin your partner upside down while strapped in, allowing them to spin you enough to make you dizzy if desired. When was the last time you put on a gimp mask to hide your identity and got kinky online?

Why deny yourself pleasure? You can please your partner no matter your penis size. If getting off entails a ball gag, some leather whips, and a sex swing, then so be it; get adventurous.

Regardless of your penis growth rate, you don’t need a penis pump to uncover your buried penis if you stop focusing on your penis size and learn a few new tricks. It doesn’t matter if you have a webbed penis or an inconspicuous penis, as pleasing your partner has more to do with the connection and mutual intent to please each other, as it does with a buried penis. Stop looking at hormone therapy and obsessing about a micropenis or other genital abnormalities, and start connecting with your partner for real with hands-on Tantric massage and more.

Tighten Your Vagina

how to tighten your vagina

As a woman, I’m always a little curious about how to defy the aging process, especially regarding sexual pleasure. Nobody likes to think of themself as growing old; okay, maybe when we’re young, we look forward to growing up, but as we get older, not so much. For me, the journey of discovering ways to tighten my vagina was due to breaking my pelvis.

Try Kegel Exercises

Let me start by saying that Kegel exercises are not for everyone, meaning they will not help every single woman on the planet have a tight vag, the way they say. Yes, they help, and it’s a learning process on how to do the proper technique; however, if you have suffered certain injuries to the pelvic floor muscles, it can hurt more than help – so be mindful. There are a lot of people who over-glorify kegel exercises, making it sound like trying it once will give you this amazingly tight vagina, but like any exercise, it takes a little bit of work.

Learning to Squeeze

It cracks me up when I read articles written by men about how to do these, as they have no idea what it feels like to have a vagina. Please read about it all you want, but trying it out firsthand gives a different perspective. While some might say to try it with your finger, which is a good way to get to know your vaginal canal, you can just as easily squeeze a dildo.

Helps Urinary Incontinence

One of the best bonuses about learning how to do Kegels is that it helps with urinary incontinence. That’s one of those topics that people don’t like to discuss. Still, it’s a reality when women get older, as is the risk of a cystocele, which is when the bladder bulges into, or out of, the vagina – one of those scary female things people don’t talk enough about. Stuff like having large, natural vaginal delivery puts you at risk of developing that later in life, and when nobody tells you, and if you’re like my friend, getting in the car to go to the store and pausing like, what?

Laying An Egg?

When it happened, she said we needed to go back into the house, and I needed to look down yonder for her, as something did not feel right. Not knowing what to expect, it was frightening when I saw the fleshiness popping out of her vaginal opening. Upon closer inspection, I did not see hair, and it was smooth, causing me to ask, “are you laying an egg?”

Prevent That Scenario

Yeah, so if you hope to prevent that type of embarrassing scenario, kegel exercises are a good thing to learn. They have specifically weighted balls, called kegel balls, that help with this pelvic floor muscle performance. Start with a small set, usually two round balls that are either marble or metal, put up inside your vagina, and try to hold.

Stand up. Try to keep the balls inside. If they fall out, try again and squeeze harder.

Ben Wa Balls

While kegel balls are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, many women have also found them pleasurable enough to introduce their “cousin,” the ben wa balls, which are called orgasm balls, venus balls, and geisha balls, amongst several different names. Varying up designs to include more like an egg-shaped and vaginal cones, using different materials, such as plastic, which may or may not be weighted. Often, these names can be interchangeable, as you will hear women incorporating ben wa balls into their pelvic floor exercises. It is still the same idea to strengthen pelvic muscles. Instead of calling them kegel balls, we will refer to the weighted balls as ben wa balls.

Vaginal Canal Press

To produce strong pelvic floor muscles, the ben wa balls, or Kegel balls, come in various weights and sizes. The idea is that you start small or with a lightweight, increasing the size and weight. This will continue to work the pelvic floor when using ben wa balls of increasing weight, just like you’d increase weight when bench pressing for weeks.

Reasons to Kegel

There are plenty of reasons to learn how to kegel, and it’s not justfor after birth. Yes, it can help with intercourse, as you learn the art of tightening and releasing on your partner’s member, and when you can time this right for yourself, it only makes your orgasm that much better. Sure, doctors will tell you many reasons to exercise, and the main reason that I learned was due to my health, including after surgery, like when my doctor told me I’d never have a tight pussy since I had shattered my pelvis, messing up all the ligaments and tendons; I had to try.

Mastering the Art

While I had tried to master the art of Kegels before my accident, trying to see what these guys were talking about by squeezing on my finger, but after my surgery, it was a whole different ballgame, as I could not have penetration for a very long time due to the pelvic injuries. First, I had to learn how to walk again, then I could worry about penetration. In the meantime, all I could try to do was the occasional kegel, convinced my doctor doomed me to having an oversized sloppy one until I could escalate up to squeezing on sex toys, which I found easier.

Hard Pulling Out

If it’s hard to pull the dildo out, then you’re doing it right. If it slides out too easily, try harder to squeeze your snatch. The muscles are inside of you, which is why it’s hard to find at first.

Clenching On It

The thing to understand about Kegels is that you learn the art of contraction. Once you know how to clench down a dildo, try doing it on your partner. Try alternating tightening and releasing while you are having sex, and see if your partner notices, as they likely will.

Ask For Feedback

Don’t be scared to ask your partner for feedback. Tell them that you are learning to do kegels, try to contract, and ask if they can tell when you contract versus release. Feedback can help.

Support Anal Sex

Most people can use these exercises during sex with the anus, too. Tighten and relax on your partner during penetration—no matter the position, you can try to squeeze.

The Little Trick

This little trick during intercourse will not only increase your sexual well-being and help with bladder control (not just urinary continence but also stress incontinence), but it will increase your sexual confidence and sexual satisfaction with better sexual intercourse. As women hit menopause, this will help with vaginal health and vaginal laxity by strengthening the vaginal walls. If you want a how-to guide, when you get your first ball, wash with antibacterial soap, lather up with water-based lubricant, stick the balls in the vaginal opening and try to squeeze.

Plump It Up

Vaginal laxity, by the way, is when the vaginal tissue starts to thin out a bit. The lips might not be as plump as they used to be, in other words. The squeezing motion of kegels not only increases the strength of the pelvic floor but it increases blood flow to the groin, which will only help make your next sexual contact down there all the more intense and amazing.

Rabbit Vibrator Fun

rabbit vibrator fun

If I am going out to buy a sex toy for myself, as a female, hands down, just about every time, I will get a rabbit vibrator. Maybe I’m just spoiled by the fact that I need to stimulate multiple areas, but I know I am not alone. If you are a female trying to figure out what sex toy to buy yourself or a male wanting to find something to buy your female partner, then a rabbit vibrator is the best suggested go-to I can think of, as it’s my favorite go-to item.

What’s a Rabbit?

A rabbit vibrator, as far as I know, got its name from the early models, which primarily used bunny rabbits to appeal to female shoppers. Not only is it a cute, innocent animal known to be soft, but it’s also famous for long, floppy ears. When a rabbit vibrator is inserted, with the main shaft into the vagina, a bullet shaped rabbit ears perfectly stimulates the clit, with the ears of the bunny cozied up on either side of the clitoris, vibrating it so good.

The Double Whammy

That means that this is not just vaginal stimulation, and it’s not just vibrating the clit. The g-spot up inside the vaginal opening is getting tantalized, while the clitoral stimulation does you into orgasm. It’s that two-for-one special that can’t be beaten, even by the real thing at times.

A Better Orgasm

Since there’s vaginal and clitoral stimulation, the double whammy intensifies orgasms. When I say that, it’s even better than the real thing at times; I mean it, as there’s unfortunately been more than a few times when my partner got off before me, so I grabbed my rabbit to finish. It’s not like I want to be left out in the snow when it comes to getting off, so I get mine, too.

For DP Play

My last partner wanted to try anal for the first time, as he had never tried it before. Being an old pro, knowing exactly what it entails and how sizable he was, I told him there was no way without clitoral stimulation. I had to get the vibration going on my clit, before he could even start to stick it in, but as he started going, the rabbit went in for double penetration play.

The Ideal Toy

Rabbit vibrators are not all shaped like rabbits now. They come in several shapes and sizes, with all sorts of cute little critters that will bury themselves into the flaps of the labia and offer a face-full of vibration patterns and g-spot stimulation with the clitoral vibrator. Fun Factory has many good ones; if you’re looking for decent internal stimulation with a classic rabbit vibe strong enough to give great external clitoral stimulation, then Fun Factory Toys or Evolved are a couple of my go-to brands that have yet to let me down ever.

Best Rabbit Vibrators

The best rabbit vibrators will offer strong vibration patterns. You want to find one with good g-spot stimulation, which can be personalized for adjustments, but I find that one with a slight curve in the shaft to go up into it is the one that I like best. Check out the rabbit ears or whatever is going to be vibrating the clit, as not all bunny ears are created equal when it comes to having a strong orgasm, as rabbit vibes can vary, as all sex toys can vary.

Some Upgrade Options

You want to have one that offers intense vibrations inside the vaginal canal, with some offering upgrades like rotating beads in the shaft or materials like high-quality silicone. Sometimes, the shaft portion and the clitoral vibrator is controlled separately, with both battery kinds as well as USB rechargeable ones being offered on the market now, with some battery life lasting longer than others and some quieter than others if noise is an issue. Other upgrades include Bluetooth connectivity or e-mail submission info online for virtual meetups.

Pump It Up

There are even new options that have an inflatable tip. When you’re not relaxed enough, you can insert a smaller tip, then inflate to get to a bigger size once it’s inside of you. Combine that with the clitoral vibrator, and you’re on your way to yet another intense ejaculation.

All Not Equal

You have a right to be skeptical, as not all rabbit vibrators that get you off are the same. Be sure to check the shaft length before the rabbit portion to see exactly how far it will reach inside you, as I had the experience of ordering a product thinking it would be 8 inches. Still, once it considered the rabbit’s stopping point, it was like 4 inches. When you’re looking for that blended orgasm, you want to be sure to get a product that can provide internal and external stimulation, not just a clitoral arm vibration.

The Triple Pleaser

For even more fun, the happy rabbit triple curve steps up from most rabbit vibrators, offering a blended orgasm with not only the clit and vaginal g-spot but it offers anal stimulation as well. Other rabbit vibrators might only offer two for that dual stimulation of the g-spot and clit stimulation, but when you add in the anal vibration modes, it’s even more fun. That’s the best way to get intense stimulation, with clitoral contact combined with the g-spot inside the vaginal wall, as well as the powerful vibrations of soft silicone inside the anus.

Add Some Suction

To kick up the vibration combinations, some rabbit vibrator designs use dual motors to offer a curved tip to hit the g-spot and suction toys. If you thought a regular g-spot rabbit vibrator was good, making it feel like someone is sucking on your clit is even better. That’s one of the newer waves of the sex toy industry that has taken many a sex toy reviewer by surprise, a happy rabbit combined with suction for the perfect satisfyer magic bunny.

Imitating Oral Action

Simulating oral sex, along with the suction, they also offer tongue-like toys to feel as if someone is going down on you. It’s a spin on the traditional external arm that was traditionally only bunny ears. This medical-grade silicone hits the g-spot through penetrative sex while offering vibration settings and an external arm that is more like a tongue than ears.

Hands Free Fun

When you have issues like carpal tunnel that makes it hard to hold onto vibrating objects for too long, the sex toy industry has solutions for that as well. Now, there are thrusting rabbits that combine that clitoral vibrator with the thrusting action you would normally get from a partner. This means that you can stick it in and wiggle away no hands necessary to hold it.

Which to Choose

When you’re out there looking for a new toy, pondering which are the best vibrators, there are fifty shades of sex toys to choose from, but a rabbit vibrator is always a great choice. Doesn’t matter if you get a curved or tapered tip, so long as it has the dual motors for that womanizer duo of stimulations that leads to the most intense orgasms. Get yourself off quickly and easily with a rabbit, as once you feel the ultra-soft silicone giving clit stimulation while feeling that second vibrator go into your vaginal opening, you’ll know why these are designed for a quick orgasm on the go that is much more efficient than most partners, enough to give up looking for strangers at bars to hook up with for one-night stands, as the rabbit will get you off better.

Holiday Sex Toy Wish List

holiday sex toy with list

I want to be like Oprah and give everyone a sex toy for Christmas this year. There’s nothing quite like knowing there’s a dildo wrapped under the tree, then watching someone’s face with glee as they go to unwrap it. From here, the scenario can go down many ways, but trust me, no matter what the reaction, it will be interesting to watch play out.

Sexy, Not Scared

So many people still get squeamish when discussing sex toys, like they don’t know where to begin and are afraid of the unknown. Well, I’m not a first-timer when using a vibrator, and at this point and time in my life, I know exactly what I like. If I can share my wish list of sex toys, it may inspire others to access what I know to be good ones or am curious to check out, so they may build their wishlists to post for themselves or their personal shopper.

Nice Bondage Outfit

While my partners might appreciate lingerie more than me, there’s nothing like a good old-fashioned corset to get the mood started. Pair that with whatever leather that’s been purchased, such as a collar, and you’re ready to look sexy along with the models on the sites. You can’t go wrong fake leather, as it’s more PETA-friendly, but rubber and latex outfits are always fun to kink things up for a minute, especially when paired with lots of lubrication.

Some Shocking Electrostimulation

One of those items that scare many people when they first hear about it is electrostimulation products, but I am here to tell you that it is one of my favorites, topping my wish list nearly every time. It can be hard to find at a lot of average stores (so I’m not sure if it will appear on your Amazon Wishlist), but once you experience it, you’ll appreciate what I’m cluing you into of a lot more. On low settings, it sort of feels like ants walking across your skin, and contrary to popular belief, most products made for sexual use are not designed to be as powerful as an electric chair.

Try it out. Be mindful of conductors like metal, such as with piercings. Other than that, have fun; you’ll love it, and thank me later, as it’s a pretty cool area to explore for first-timers.

Locking Cock Cage

Maybe it’s the dominatrix in me coming out a bit. If we talk about bondage gear, then the next thing on my wishlist is not only the locking cock cage but the one with the metal shaft to go down the urethra as well. Now, you might think that I am bitter from having been cheated on in the past, but whatever past drama aside, this is more to get my dominating side going, as I tend to be a little submissive at times, but when I take over…

Yup, lock that junk up. I’ll be holding onto the key unless I decide to throw it away. Don’t mess with me, and you can sit back and watch whatever shenanigans I decide to get up to…

Pretty Butt Plug

They make the chastity-locking penis cages with the anal probe, but I’d rather have something pretty to look at. Is it bad to sissy up a guy if he likes it? Instead of a chastity device with an inserter, I’d opt for a pretty butt plug for my partner or for myself. Many people always ponder: are butt plugs painful? If you do it right, it shouldn’t be.

More Anal Vibrators

Just talking about anal makes some people squirm and get uncomfortable, but I’m here to tell you that anal products are not just for men. The next item on my wishlist has homme in the name, as it’s made for a man, and this little beauty is all about anal pleasure—this prostate massager is designed with a nice curve to hit the p-spot, perfect for a man’s butt.

A Pighole Squeal

Domination knows no gender, just like the pighole squeal can be used on both men and women. It’s a fun one when bringing out my dominatrix side as the enters into the realm of fisting. If you’ve ever gotten caught up, this helps to keep the hole open for added pleasure.

A Strapless Strap-on

Another favorite of mine is the strapless strap on when venturing into the realm of bondage. Being equally efficient when pegging men as when with a woman, I love that these newer versions vibrate, offering added stimulation. These are a big step up from the old-school versions with the flimsy straps that never seem to fit me quite right or hold up for too long.

Corset Lace Hood

Speaking of bondage, I love this corset lace hood, as it’s breathable. When you want to have the fun of a blindfold without worrying about it slipping off, the hood solves that problem and is cuter than most other options. It brings sexy to the average gimp mask.

While there are all sorts of gifts out there to choose from, there’s one box that I would like to ship to my house as a gift to myself this year. When you don’t want to worry about the outside world or any dating, especially if fearing contact with COVID or whatever, this is one item that I have been lusting over while looking at various websites.

Kinky Sex Machine

I’ve always been curious to check out one of those kinky sex machines to see if they are all they are cracked up to be. Will it allow me to be lazy and still get off? That sounds interesting enough to try, so I’m willing to see if Santa can fit one down the chimney for me.

Vibrating Rabbit Gift

Suppose you have been reading the links and paying attention to what I comment. In that case, when shopping for myself, my go-to item is always a rabbit vibrator. Appreciating the stimulation on both the clit and the g-spot simultaneously, I’m always up for trying variations of the vibrations and the patterns they create to vibrate my clit. This dual action is the reason that this item will always top all of my wishlists to me, as I know what I like.

Pair that up with some Eros Pjur lubrication, and I’m good to go. No partner is required. Just give me a few minutes, and I’m off to the races to please myself, getting off within minutes.

Vibrating Cock Ring

If I am with a male partner, my go-to is a vibrating cock ring. Always go for the more powerful vibrators with a large enough area to hit the clit, even if it slips around during intercourse. Again, I like that two-for-one special of the clit and g-spot the best.

What are the items that top your list? Have you been naughty or nice? Even if you’ve been bad, you can skip waiting on Santa and purchase your sex toy to delight yourself.

Sex Toys Over Toxic Relationships

woman embracing man while she thinks about sex toys and looks at her cell phone.

These days, you do not have to be in a committed relationship to have sexual pleasure. As someone who has been in a few toxic relationships over the years, trust me when I tell you that sometimes there is much less stress when you learn to pleasure yourself instead of staying in a bad situation. Your sex toy does not get jealous of other sex toys, does not get belligerent and start fights with other toys, and does not feel threatened by the mention of a family therapist.

Wise Words

In the wise words of my mother, “you can only suck and fuck so many ways, so many times, and in so many places before there has to be something more.” In other words, if sex is the only thing keeping you together, and you cannot stand each other any other time, it’s time to end it. You don’t need a sex expert to reach orgasm when using a sex toy.

Evaluating Relationship Satisfaction

When asking yourself how satisfied you are in your relationship, a good question to ask is if you are both good to and for each other. Do you look out for each other’s best interests, or is the relationship more one-sided? Can you have fun, and laugh, but still maintain your sexual satisfaction?

Are You Happy?

Ultimately, you control your happiness, so you alone know if you are satisfied currently. However, even in bad situations, people can view their partner with rose-colored glasses, constantly making excuses for their actions to other people, like they were just drunk. If you have found yourself in a toxic situation that no longer enhances your life, here are a few tips on why dildos might be a better option than staying with an abusive partner over the long haul.

For Sexual Health

First, sex toys are a way healthier option when looking at overall sexual health, because dildos do not sleep around or put you at risk of contracting sexual diseases like a partner that cheats. There’s zero risk of a sex toy getting you or anyone else pregnant. Just clean the dildo with sex toy cleaner after, especially if it has been exploring your butt.

Whatever You’re Into

Regardless of what you are into, there’s a sex toy for that. If you prefer penetrative sex with hard plastic, porous materials, or non-porous toys, glass, silicone, or vibrators, there’s a sex toy to enhance your sex life. Whether partnered or single, sex toys impact increasing orgasms. While you can openly communicate with your partner about which sex toys you desire, you can also keep it private between you and your dildo.

Cranking Up Orgasms

To increase orgasm, you can get chemicals involved, such as climax creams for the vagina. Increase the power of the vibrator to enhance passion with your lover from the bedside drawer. There are novel ways to use sex toys, and the dildo is always non-judgment.

Working That Toy

If you happen to play with your sex toys while working on the job, that’s up to you to explore. Not sure what kind of talk you may have to have with whoever, but make sure you’re not in the wrong. If it’s completely cool, like you work at home and are your boss, you don’t have to be in your bedroom to enter the world of sexuality by stimulating your body.

Buzzing At Work

You can even get your partners involved in using a sex toy at work, such as putting them in control of the phone app that operates that sex toy you stuffed down your panties. When will they hit the button to make it buzz and vibrate the way you like it? Anticipation is key.

History of Masturbation

Busting out a sex toy means someone is about to orgasm. Are you involved in a sexual relationship, or will you be maintaining passion through toys in your own hands? They used to say that you’re not supposed to masturbate, that it could cause hair to grow on your palms, and even made people believe they could be blinded when ejaculation squirts in their eyes, but we have since learned that orgasms decrease the stress in our lives: now masturbation is good.

Increase Self-Esteem

Stop worrying if you are a good enough lover. Sex toys impact self-esteem because they will never talk down to you like you’re stupid, making you feel as if you do not matter. Stop trying to change everything about yourself to please a toxic partner and start buying more sex toys to please yourself without the worry of what someone else thinks.

Not Scared, Sexy

When you orgasm, you feel good. Instead of being scared of a partner, feel sexy with a toy. Being scared does nothing positive for you, but when you feel sexy, you feel confident; feeling your best always helps to boost your mood, which increases pleasure, so go out and have fun.

Sense of Vibrators

A vibrator is committed to your relationship, always ready when you are, always hard, knowing exactly where to go to hit your g-spot the way you like it. Vibrators will not hit, smack, kick or abuse you, will not ask you for money, and will not be seen frequenting the bars. While sex toys might not be the best for conversation, they will listen to your venting.

Idea for Pleasure

Regardless of any mean things partners have ever said, a vibrator will not say that. They don’t side with your partners; they are there for you, whether you want them in your bed or at the top of a mountain after a long hike through the wilderness. They are into your body and will explore every area you want them to increase desire and sexual satisfaction.

Too Many Toys

While it’s true that you can become overly reliant on sex toys, as you don’t have to adhere to their schedule, make them dinner, iron their clothes or listen to their ranting conspiracy theories, sometimes, it’s worth it. You can become attached to your toys because vibrators know how to get you off, and you know what to expect, as there’s not that surprise of what’s hidden underneath the clothing; they’re always hard with no excuses of being sick.

Does that mean that you can have too many toys? Not really; it just means that some partners might not be as satisfying as a good vibrator, which might make a partner feel bad if you are in a relationship. If you are steadily using sex toys, switch up to a human; it’s not like the human will constantly vibrate on your g-spot the way your vibrator does, either.

Be open with your partner, talking to them about what you like in your favorite toys. Bring them into the equation, or kick that abuser out of your life and settle in with the toys. Again, a vibrator will not make fun of you, make you feel bad, or bug you to do something you don’t want to do, so why would you settle for a partner who treats you badly if you can have a toy?

What’s Your Favorite?

There are too many toys to say one is my concrete favorite, as new toys are released on the market daily. A rabbit vibrator or triple pleaser is always a classic for a woman, while a man might like the virtual vibrators with online interactives. Maybe you want to replace your partner with a lifelike doll, that does not argue with you, talk back, or complain.

Even cuddling can be completed with a lifelike torso. That’s better than cuddling up with someone who thinks you are a bank and only seems to talk to you when they want something. Sex toys will not ask you for anything, but they will increase sexual satisfaction.

Want to bounce up and down on a dildo attached to a ball, pretending to be a kid back in gym class? Maybe you want to invest in a sex swing while combining it with the joy you feel when you ejaculate. Have you considered the vast array of butt plugs on the market, carefully discovering the difference between each one to explore which one is your favorite so that you know?

Have you discovered the world of electrostimulation? Do not discredit that when thinking of new ways to enhance your masturbation. Add a little electrical stimulation while wearing nipple clamps, and find your tolerance for pain while giving yourself some shocks.

Sick of being asked where you are, what you were doing, or who you were with? A sex toy will never interrogate you. If you want to increase the number of orgasms in your sex life while decreasing the drama, sex toys are the answer you have been seeking all along.

Squirting During Sex

squirting during sex graphic

Not everyone will produce a massive squirting during sex, just for the record. Also, to be clear, there is a difference between female ejaculation and a female with bladder issues that tend to pee during orgasm. Though both are considered an extreme release, one could be coital incontinence, and the other could be due to bladder incontinence, a slight difference.

Orgasm or Urine?

Both are involuntary emissions from women during ejaculation, where fluid is expelled with an orgasm approaching. Both can be a bit messy from squirting. In either case, vaginas squirt. One is from squirting orgasms, and the other is pee, properly called urine, which becomes more common as women age. Caused by many problems, such as a cystocele -where your bladder falls out of your vagina, commonly brought on by having big babies naturally – and other issues could be things like bladder polyps or a multitude more.

Release the Muscles

During sexual stimulation, it can be hard to contain fluids. Whether it is a female ejaculation or extra urine, penetrative sex and g spot stimulation cause, pelvic floor muscles to release. Think about it: when you reach orgasm, your muscles tense, then release, including the bladder.

Warm and Wet

People report a female ejaculate squirting orgasms, though it could simply be people squirting urine. Regardless, it’s a watery fluid, and we all know how squirting feels. It’s warm and wet.

During Oyster Season

With a little more research, such as going down for oral sex, you can see if the squirting is coming from up top by the clit where pee comes from or if it is cumming from between the labia, from the depth of the vaginal wall and beyond, with vaginal muscles tensing to squirt. Don’t be scared to earn your red wings; let globs slide down the back of your throat like oysters. Be a champ, as a female orgasm during that time of the month helps with cramps.

Enhancing Sexual Pleasure

Enhance both of your sex lives by exploring female sexuality through clitoral stimulation. Kick things up with a sex machine, pleasure air technology, and sex toys. Plump up that erectile tissue; try reverse cowgirl, as the vulva identifies when the g-spot is stimulated. Put the penis deep inside the pelvic muscles, feel then tense and release during sexual activity, such as during doggy style, which makes sense, as it’s like milking the fluid released for female ejaculation.

Producing an Orgasm

Even solo play can produce squirting orgasms. Lick the belly button and tease out an orgasm. Stimulate the erogenous zones and produce that prostatic-specific antigen that helps with the female ejaculation, also known as the female orgasm; ask a sex therapist. Grab a sex toy or have partnered sex, and that g-spot stimulation makes for experienced squirting.

Men Squirt

Squirting is much more obvious when a man has an orgasm than with a female. Milking the prostate can produce semen quickly. Sex experts are not shocked by a man squirting a few feet, but a lot of people like to have more research into how to make a woman squirt more.

Stimulate the Prostate

Why are men so reluctant to explore stimulating their prostate? A guy told me about getting blue balls and going to the hospital. The doctor stuck a finger up his butt. I had to explain to him that the doctor milked his prostate, which is done by a finger up the butt, almost like a come hither motion; why do guys forget they have g-spots (p-spot) in their anal cavity?

The Skene’s Glands

Women have a similar area to the male prostate. Under the bladder and surrounding the urethra is a glandular tissue known as the Skene’s glands, which is the source of the white secretion seen during squirting orgasms. The sensitivity is not from the upper wall of the vagina but from those glands and ducts behind the vaginal wall, a third of the way up.

Female Prostate Cancer

Though you cannot technically get prostate cancer without a prostate, these glands can foster cancerous growth, affecting the bladder, urethra, and reproductive organs. Producing the PSA ejaculate protein can show up when women get breast cancer, often dropping after radiation. Frequent and painful urination, vaginal itching, painful sex, pain in the lower pelvis, and interruptions to the menstrual cycle can indicate something is wrong. However, these symptoms are not always cancer, as they could be polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis or other medical issues that are worth talking to a doctor about.

Know Medical History

That’s why keeping up with your female medical history is so important. There are so many advances in sexual medicine that getting screened yearly and checked for sexual diseases is essential. That’s also why it’s essential to know if it’s urine or ejaculate and your sexual medicine history in case of any discomfort during sex.

The G-Spot

It’s always exciting when women ejaculate. Hitting the g-spot is not the same for each partner. Not everyone can find the g-spot, but when you have a partner willing to explore the body to find that g-spot that creates the squirting, it’s well worth the journey.

Stimulation with Vibration

Even if you don’t have a partner, the technology is so great these days; the g-spot can be hit with the right dildo. You cannot go wrong with clitoral stimulation, especially combined with a dildo designed to hit the g-spot, like a rabbit. Others prefer anal play.

Some Anal Play

By anal play, you can try a little vibration from something like a bullet, or you can penetrate a little deeper with some anal beads. Don’t be afraid to try out a butt plug during sex or stimulation with sex toys. They have cute jeweled and furry butt plugs to play with, too.

Little Extra Stimulation

Sometimes, a little anal stimulation, combined with clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation, can produce even greater squirting orgasms. The enhanced stimulation can make the toes curl, muscles tighten and release the squirting. Try extra stimulation, as it can go a long way!

My Dad Said…

If you want to get up close and personal, start by gently flickering the tongue on the clit, and once she begins to quiver, insert either your finger or a sex toy, slowly teasing, but making sure to get up and behind that pelvic wall to stimulate the g-spot. See how much of the female ejaculation you can swallow. My dad said, “you can’t get pregnant from swallowing.”

He wouldn’t steer you wrong, now, would he? That’s words from a wise man. Now, go forth and stimulate your partner into producing squirting orgasms, or stimulate yourself until you are wet from multiple orgasms, as that’s one way to help lower your stress levels at least.

Ask My Mom…

Now, if you ask my mother, she will tell you that a dildo is the way to go, as it doesn’t sleep around, get messed up, ask you for money, try to brawl with other dildos, ask to get bailed out of jail or ask for too much of anything at all. While you might need batteries and lube, you don’t have to buy expensive meals, dress up in expensive outfits, or try to impress them. Yes, my mom said that dildos are much more faithful than most partners, always ready to perform whenever you are, and won’t bore you with a conversation, but they are great listeners.

She added that you know where the dildoes have been. Chuckling, “you can ride them as far as your imagination can take you.” I can’t argue with that logic, oh, wise mother.

For Bragging Rights

I’ll let you decide your favorite way to orgasm. Whether you are a girl or a guy, you can always try to mark your furthest squirt and try to beat your own record. Challenge a partner to a squirting contest to see who is the best squirter for bragging records.

If you think you are good enough, take that show on the road and charge admission. Trust me; plenty of people are willing to pay for a good squirting show. Make that money and have as much fun squirting as humanly possible; don’t harm someone by squirting in the eyes.

That’s the danger they forget to warn you about. Eye irritation caused by squirting and a mouthful of golden shower when you thought it was ejaculation. At least I can tell you that you’ve been warned, so don’t come crying to me if you got a mouth full of pee when you thought it was squirting of female ejaculation in your mouth this time, as I am here to write it for the record that it’s not always ejaculation if she has to pee bad at that time, as just like men can get a piss hard-on, a woman might not be able to control urination. Happy squirting!

Is My Dick Too Small?

lady laughing at man with small penis

When you find yourself asking this question, there’s a fifty percent chance that the answer is yes and a fifty percent chance the answer is no, depending on who you ask. Opinions are like noses; almost everyone has one, whether they care to talk about it, or not. I can only answer from a female’s perspective that there are times when a dick can be too big, believe it or not, and if a guy has a small penis, there are many ways to make someone orgasm. Sex toys are one way.

On Genital Sizes

When it comes to dick size, there is no universal answer, as just like when it comes to vaginal size, not all are created equal. While some people think a small chick has a tight snatch and bigger girls have more giant vaginas, that is not always true. I have met tiny ladies with blown-out sloppy vaginas, just like I have met many a big girl with a tight one.

Defying the Odds

That being said, one of the most enormous dicks I ever had inside of me was from a tiny guy that you’d never suspect was packing such a massive surprise, and one of the smallest belonged to a massive guy that looked like he had eaten his former self. That means, if you would have judged by shoe size or height, you’d been utterly wrong by guessing the penis sizes. Further, I had a guy whose dick was so large that we tried with as much lube as we could slop in there, and so many different positions, but I could not fit his penis inside of me no matter what.

Small Penis Story

When I was younger, I met a guy who had spina bifida, and as a result, he had a very small penis, smaller than my pinkie finger when hard. He was the one who proved to me very early on that size did not matter, as he had so many tricks up his sleeve to blow my mind; I honestly did not care that he had a less-than-average penis size. When it comes to making me orgasm, it does not matter if it’s penetrative sex, so much as it is simply sexual satisfaction that has this woman orgasm, as I can only share my sex life.

An Orgasm, Please

It’s not necessarily about being in doggy style or any other sex positions so much as knowing how to create sexual satisfaction, as that’s really what a healthy sex life is all about. It does not matter about the flaccid length or if someone has a tiny penis, but can you make me orgasm to the point that my toes tingle and my mind blows, even if you have erectile dysfunction? Women do not have to have a certain erect penis length to make me cum, so why does my partner’s penis have to be a specific size on a tape measure for pleasure?

Will Not Fit

Don’t get me wrong, as there is a time and a place for a larger penis, but large penises can also be painful, believe it or not. As mentioned, there are times that no matter how horny you are and how hard you try, if it’s too big, it simply will not fit in the hole, which renders it useless. It does not matter about accurate measurement if it’s too big to do anything with, as it simply will not fit, which is not the vast majority of people, but too large of dildoes don’t fit either.

Girth and Length

Most men are under the impression that all women want these massive cocks, but in reality, the girth can be too big, or the length could hit hard and cause pelvic pain in women. It’s normal to believe the media hype that everyone wants whatever they want you to believe. Still, in reality, there are guys with too massive of dicks in the first place shopping for pills to try to make themselves bigger, not realizing they’re too big to start with! No, we do not need to shop in the Magnum section, or I will have problems walking.

With Pelvic Injuries

I have had serious pelvic injuries, and if my partner’s penis size is too big, it hurts. Sure, it’s probably my fault for jumping off a mountain in West Virginia, being told I would never walk again or have children when I had the accident at 19. While I was able to prove doctors wrong on the walking part, I do not have kids and have multiple pelvic issues. There are times when even an orgasm is too much, and I will have to tap out for a moment as my hips or legs freeze up, my muscles cramp, or it feels like an ice pick is stabbing into my pelvis.

On Selfish Partners

It’s hard to find a partner with the perfect penis size, as you don’t want it to be too big to the point that it causes pain, but you want them to be able to give you an orgasm. Not everyone is willing to put in the extra work to find out the various ways to bring their partner to orgasm, no matter the size of their genitals. Some people are selfish, and there’s nothing worse than finding someone whose key fits your lock perfectly, but they are unwilling to use it to bring you to orgasm, as they only turned the key part of the way and came all over.

Two-Pump Chumps

When you’re with a two-pump chump who is only out for their satisfaction, it does not matter how big or small their penis size is, as they are probably not getting a second round. If you cannot get me off and do not seem interested in getting me off, once is more than enough, no matter if it’s smaller penises or larger penises; no orgasm, not worth trying again. That might make me sound like the selfish partner here, but if I am willing to try to get my partner off, I can only expect the same in return, as things should be give and take in bed.

The Magic Measurement

If you are wasting time measuring your penis, there is no magic number to hope to hit, sorry. Instead, try a systematic review of your sexual satisfaction techniques, from oral to bondage, and bring in a plethora of sex toys. If you are convinced that you have a small penis, there’s a lovely invention called penis extension, so don’t have low self-esteem. Penis extensions are great.

The Best Sex

Some of the best sex I had was with my partner, who had the smallest penis and was considered a micro penis, as he was willing to explore more sexually than most. He was the one who broke my cherry into anal, showing me there are a million ways to get off anally. Sprinkle a few bondage sessions with that, tantalizing the senses with feathers, ice, and hot candle wax, and getting strapped in, chained up, and spun around into disorientation and pleasure.

Willing to Please

There’s no correct way to judge a penis size, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, but there is a way to judge if a partner is willing to go above and beyond to please you. I wish guys could figure this out, as women can get each other off orally, with no penis involved. Most women do not carry around a tape measure to measure their clit or their penis, so why should guys be so concerned about their penis size that it keeps them up at night with anxiety, pondering how their penis size compares to other men and their penis sizes?

Research Partner Pleasing

The second to the last guy that I was with was overly concerned about his penis size, convinced that he was smaller than usual when he was average. Convinced of size matter, he researched a tip, or more than a few, on how to make women cum. When he went to finger me, my eyes grew wide with surprise, feeling sensations I had not felt when being fingered by other men before, to which he smiled sheepishly and didn’t want to admit but did: “I watched a lot of Youtube videos on the best ways to please women.”

The Technique Matters

Personal experiences like that make me say that size does not matter so much as technique. If you desire to make someone cum, to the point that you research it and try to put it into action, then penis size does not matter. There are so many oral and finger techniques out there, with multiple holes available, that can affect whether I cum or not, as it’s more impressive to me if you can make me cum without even taking my clothes off, honestly.

Make Me Cum

Give me a good massage and make me cum, before either of us gets fully naked. Can you touch my body in random areas and bring me to orgasm, places other than my ass or vagina? When you can accomplish that, the measuring tape does not matter, nor does girth.

Being a Tease

On the topic of oral sex, I would, hands down, every day of the week rather give a blowjob to a guy with a smaller penis than some oversized dick I cannot even fit inside of my mouth. It seems like the bigger the penis, the more they want you to try to fit in your mouth, but when you have TMJ, that’s just not working for more than 30 seconds at a time, sorry. Guys with large penises can start complaining about me being a tease now, but it’s hard to please a guy with a massive member when your jaw is throbbing and cannot be open any wider.

Are They Bullies?

Small is in the eyes of the beholder of the penis. If you go to the public bathing house, and others are pointing and laughing, is it a too small thing, or are they bullies? You can have a penis larger than Johnny Holmes, but if someone is mean, they will still call it small.

Threatening Penis Size

Sometimes, people have penis envy, as they catch a glimpse of a penis bigger than theirs, so they want to try to put that person down, as they feel threatened by the size of their penis. My mom said, “the old-time unics never cared about penis size, did they?” The moral of the story is just because someone says you have a small penis; they might just be trying to pick on typical male insecurities to make themselves feel better, as they are simply bullies.

Instead of obsessing over your penis size, take this girl’s advice, and learn ways to heighten the senses before you even get naked. Learn the erotic zones, places to touch that are erogenous, as it’s not all about the buried penis or having a large penis; it’s more about having a satisfying sex life, not the erect length, the flaccid penis average length, or any of the silly measurement that you might have thought mattered. What matters to me is if you can make me orgasm, not how, as I don’t care if it’s orally, vaginally, anally, or with an erotic massage, so much as you make me cum enough to relax and forget about my stress.

Sexual Arousal Areas

I don’t care if you have a webbed penis or a trapped penis, as I have scar tissue from my accident and am open to other areas of sexual arousal. I like to orgasm as much as the next person, and I am open to exploring whatever avenues there are for making myself cum, as well as making my partner ejaculate. It’s not about size so much as having fun and enjoying it.

All of this may be self-reported, but learn from my experiences and believe what I tell you. Stop worrying about your dick size, and start worrying about ways to bring a person to orgasm above and beyond the typical penetrative sex, as there are several ways to bring about sexual satisfaction. Stop considering cosmetic surgery and do some sexual research.

Instead of researching the average penis size and obsessing over what an average penis size should be or what the best erect penis length is, stop looking up the average penis sizes and check out some of my books. The sizes and shapes of female and male breasts and nipples can vary even more than the sizes and shapes of penises from different cultures around the globe.

Sexy Up Halloween

Sexy up Halloween graphic with pumpkins, haunted house, and a cat

Halloween is always a good excuse to hold someone close. Whether cuddling up to watch a scary movie, huddling in close during haunted houses, or curling up together for a hayride, the chill of autumn with the thrill of Halloween equals a chance at romance. Be the cuddle post when your partner reaches out for comforting support, and ignite those flames of passion. At Jack and Jill Adult, we love giving you ideas for the holidays, so check these costume and sex toy tips to sexy up your Halloween!

Play Dress Up

Dress up like a stranger. Put on a mask, ring the doorbell like a trick-or-treater, and start some role-play fun. Where are you going to put your treat for your partner to eat???

Sexy Halloween Costumes

Halloween is as good an excuse to get as sexy as possible as any, so drum up your best sexy Halloween costume ideas to see if you can win the best sexy Halloween costumes contest. Coming up with a sexy costume is pretty easy, as it’s dressing as skimpy as possible, then pop some animal ears on top of your head and maybe a tail and g-string. Some take the Greek theatre philosophy that leaving it up to the imagination makes it even wilder than showing everything all at once, so get creative with it, no matter your body type.

Halloween Party Star

Be the star at costume parties by getting some classic ideas for dressing. Shop with your partner, and change who is the man versus the woman in the relationship. You cannot go wrong with a skin-tight catsuit, as leather and latex make everything better year-round.

More Sexy Costumes

Don a cape with little else, and see if you can be the sexiest pair at the party. Shop for a sexy belt, opt for hot ladies’ wear and be the main menu for sexy bunny ears during the spooky season. Little Red Riding Hood grew up to be hot, throw on a sexy Mad Hatter hat, dress all in pink with bubbles, and don’t forget to try to scare the heck out of little kids as a sexy zombie.

Women’s Lib Costumes

You can support women’s liberations while still looking sexy. Think of strong female movie characters like Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman. Even Betsy Ross can be sexy sewing, and Rosy the Riveter also has that sexy working-class woman look that can be a turn-on.

Sexy Big Girls

I don’t care if you are XXL, as Halloween is the time to hide in a costume, calling out that inner confidence as if people don’t like it; who cares? Your size does not matter, as you can still look perfect in your coverage, even busting out a short skirt that will make heads turn.

Hunky Big Dudes

The same goes for men who wouldn’t usually come out of their shells, as Halloween is the time to order that Amazon outfit, spray on some white or red hair dye, act as confident as the heroes in the movies, and try to get ready for some love. It’s not about the sizes so much as how cool your costume is at the parties, so get creative, reveal your personality, and you might be amazed who wants to grab on for a ride. Of course, one size does not fit all, so apply your inner feeling and check any restraints to be yourself, the only one in stock; live it up.

It’s Fantasy Time

Halloween is the time to live out those inner fantasies. Dressing up is the first step for some great role-play, so how else can you kick it up a notch? Might I recommend electrostimulation?

Scary Movie Fantasy

Tie each other up. Play out a scary movie with a sexual twist. Fall is the best time to act out vampire and werewolf fantasies.

It’s Bondage Time

If you have not explored the world of bondage, Halloween is as good a time as any, as blindfolding your partner only adds to a scary scenario, such as a haunted house or scary movie playing in the background. When you don’t know what’s happening next, the heartbeat increases as the fight or flight response kicks in, wondering what could be lurking around the corner for an innocent victim tied up with love cuffs, bear flesh exposed. There’s no telling what could be waiting, and whether it’s fur and leather, hot candle wax and ice cubes, or even some attachments from that electrostimulation, get ready to orgasm hard.

Bob For Fun

Put a new twist on some classic Halloween games. Instead of bobbing for apples, try bobbing up and down on your partner’s rod. Instead of pin the tail on the donkey, blindfolded partners can try to insert a butt plug into their tied up partner.

Carve Up Pumpkins

Go old school, and get a couple of pumpkins to carve with your partner. Challenge each other to carve out your fantasy into the pumpkins. See who can get the sexiest pumpkin carved.

The Great Pumpkin

If you are lucky enough to be able to find a gigantic pumpkin, you can get your loved one riled up by jumping out of it in a skimpy outfit. It’s like a candygram, only for Halloween, and if you cannot find a giant pumpkin to fit you, get one of those oversized cakes and jump out of it.

Pet Dress Up

Nothing is sexier than finding some accessories for your pet to match you. Regardless of pet color, there are many ideas for pet costumes, so why not have your pet look as perfect as you? While having a pet is optional, feeling as if you want someone to discover you is simply hot.

A Cereal Killer

Halloween is the perfect time to bust out Count Chocula cereal. Make some sticky marshmallow treats with it, or simply pour it on the bed and have sex on it. Either way, it’s a small-sized treat that can be fun to eat from each other’s orifices and other places.

Pop Up Scare

Jump scares and pop-up scares are a fun thing to do during the spooky season, so set some traps for your partner and see if you can get their heart racing a bit. Have someone naturally grotesque jump out from behind the porch at unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. See if you can scare the kids enough to drop their candy, which is more to pass out to the next ones.

Be A Kid

Don’t forget to channel your inner child. Go trick or treating, and see who will give you candy. With a big enough mask, they won’t be able to tell how old you are, so try it!

Be a Mermaid

Hold your breath while wearing a mermaid outfit underwater. See if you can jump out of the pool to scare people. Everyone loves a sexy mermaid; it might be hard to walk in a tail.

From the Trees

Hang from the trees like a monkey and wait for your unsuspecting partner. Jump down and try to scare them. Chase them into the bedroom and see if they will take advantage of you.

Hide Your Affairs

Nothing is scarier than hooking up with a neighbor, thinking that you are alone, then your partner jumps out of the closet to bust you. When you think you are slick cheating, be aware that your biggest fears can also come true this time of year. Be forewarned!

Sexy Caramel Apples

Get all sticky, gooey, and gooey with some warm caramel. Put some on apples, dress up the apples as sexy as possible, and put a little caramel on your lover. Make sure it’s not too hot, then lick up the sticky sweetness off of them and see where that leads the two of you…

Cum Play Here

You can always check out some of my books if that’s not enough to get your motor running. Be sure to check out the latest at Outlandish Writer. To really get the fun started, party like pirates.

Clone-A-Willy Kit – The Complete Guide

clone a willy kit displayed on a blue background

Have you ever had a penis that was so great you could not stand to see it leave? There have been times when I have told guys, “I wish I could just save your penis for later.” No, we don’t have to rely on the means of Lorena Bobbitt, as there’s now the Clone-A-Willy.

Even better than dealing with any type of illegal or bloody situation, instead of Sada Abe trying to savor her lover’s genitals forever, there’s no bloody mess required. Just grab the Clone-A-Willy kit, mix the concoction that is body safe and will not harm your lover, put the penis into the mold, and you can even get a vibrator to insert inside of it.

This is a much safer, totally legal process that does not require anyone to go to jail. Sure, it’s easy to fall in love with a favorite penis, especially when it fits your lock like the perfect key, but replicating it into a silicone Dildo you can enjoy for years to cum is much better. That way, you can feel your lover’s member inside you, even when he is nowhere close.

Prepare the Mixture

Preparing the concoction for the mold is as easy as simply mixing a couple of ingredients together. These are algae-based and completely body safe, so even if some got down the tip of the dick, it’s not going to cause any danger, and you can merely piss it back out. As the liquids blend, they may thicken slightly, and once applied to the penis, the viscosity may continue to increase, solidifying to create that mold for the silicone mixture.

The mixture might be a little cooler than the air, so prepare yourself. Also, when preparing for the mold, you might want to get a fluffer to make that penis hard unless you are looking for a soft mold of his dick. The harder and bigger it is for the mold, the better the dildo will be after, as you want to capture the essence of his manhood most effectively.


The Perfect Replica

Having a fully erect penis is essential for the molding process. Do whatever means necessary to capture the exact copy you want, including the erection and even a curved penis to hit that g-spot. This perfect replica will be your new favorite sex toy, especially if you are in a long-distance relationship. That will make you feel as if your lover’s penis is right there with you, even if the rest of his body is elsewhere on the planet. Hence, it’s worth the small wait time.

The Clone-A-Willy kit comes with two jars, an instructional video, and there are four simple steps when you follow the instructions correctly. When mixing with the stick, try to avoid creating a lot of little bubbles, aiming for the liquid mixture to be smooth, so don’t mix it fast and furious, as those bubbles are more likely to form with extra air pockets. Pour it into the tube, and the disposable container can be recycled after the dildo-making process.

Customize Your Willy Kit

The cool thing is that there are different Clone-A-Willy kits. Whether you were looking for the big black cock of your dreams, a cute pink one, or even a glow-in-the-dark dildo, you can customize your willy to be precisely what you’re looking for in your new favorite sex toy. Way better than a cardboard cutout of your favorite penis, the Clone-A-Willy kits even have the option of adding a vibrator into the finished mold to kick up the good vibrations.

Deliver the orgasm that your lover would give you in person with a vibrating insert to stimulate the g-spot or clit. You can even mold the balls with the penis, so you know you have the exact copy of your lover’s body. The vibrator just adds to the fun quite a bit.

Are you more into the jet black big cocks? Would you prefer neon purple? The benefit of the glowing dildo is that it’s easy to spot at night when you wake up with a need for an orgasm.

Mind the Bubbles

Clone-A-Willy kits include molding gel, mixing bowl, balsa wood stick, molding powder, plastic tube, more silicone, and everything you need for a fun evening. While the kit comes with everything except a pussy, there’s a cure for that as well. They have the Clone-A-Pussy kit where you can create Sex Toys from your favorite vagina as well, which uses a similar molding mixture and measuring cup to make the perfect mold, but again, be mindful of any visible bubbles when you are creating molds of genitalia to create the perfect sex toy.

Savor That Dick

Once you stick the vibrator into the dildo, you will feel that you made the right product, a perfect clone made of silicone, capturing that erection in a complete pleasuring device. You will no longer feel the need to rush to the extremes that Bobbitt and Abe went to, as there’s no reason to cut off a penis only to have the blood rush out, and it’s not erect. Savor that dick, and wait until you are ready, as the simple steps ensure you will have a cum worthy sex toy in the final product, soft as silicone, always the right temp for sexy fun with your lover’s cloned dick.

There’s no wondering if the dildo you ordered through the mail will be a perfect size. Is it too big, too small, or not hitting you correctly? You choose the penis that you like the best, clone that willy for you to keep until the end of time. There’s no waiting to see if your lover wants to play, as the sex toy is always ready to please you on demand.

An Overseas Lover

Whether there’s an ocean separating you and your lover or not, it does not matter. Have the comfort of his dick, even if your lover is overseas. You know how it feels inside you, and it hits all the places you want it to, so bust it out when you get lonely to feel as if your lover is in bed with you. This will be your new favorite silicone vibrator, as you made the willy the way you want, according to your specifications, based on your lover’s penis mold.

A Dying Lover

Unfortunately, nobody gets out of life alive. If your lover faces severe medical complications, the Clone-A-Willy kit will allow you to preserve his penis after death. Though a lover’s physical body may perish, the cloned willy can continue to pleasure you for years to cum.

No Other Cock

Maybe you are so satisfied by your lover that you know no other dick will do. Maybe your lover gets jealous and does not want any other penis besides his inside of you. This is the answer for those situations, as a cloned willy ensures you have your lover’s member.

Is It Messy?

Obviously, when you are combing the liquids from the Clone-A-Willy kit, you want to be mindful not to spill the molding powder when making your willy clone. Try not to make a mess when stirring the molding mix, or when you pour it into the tube. As long as you are not sloppy with the mixing process, there’s no reason for the molding to be messy.

Be sure to prepare the room you are in with plenty of newspaper on the floor, as this process can get very messy! One friend of mine had the unfortunate experience of her dog running into the kitchen as the mailman delivered the mail and tracked the mixture all over the place! What a mess!

Should I Shave?

When molding the balls, it might not hurt to shave a little bit. It won’t hurt putting your junk into the mold, but once it hardens, it could tug pubic hair a little bit. It will come off, even with pubic hair, but if you are shaved, you prevent any uncomfortable snag.

Without the Extras

The nice thing is that when you clone your favorite penis, you can enjoy all the orgasms, without the extras, like leaving the toilet seat up or dirty laundry left on the floor. No, the customized vibrator will not yell at you, ask you for money, question where you’ve been, or any of the annoying things that might typically come with having a guy hanging around. Cone-A-Willy’s not much of a talker, though a great listener, willing to be hard whenever you feel ready, and you know it will hit exactly where you want it to, even with a cock ring!

Next Shopping Venture

When you’re looking to purchase your next dildo, why not customize your vibrator? Follow the instructions, measure, pour, mix, and fill the tube with the mix molding to the erection you like best. Once you have your clone mold, you can make some for your friends to enjoy too.

Endless Orgasm Action

Know you have the length that pleases you in four simple steps. Once it is complete, you can send that guy on his merry way and still have that hard-on that pleases you best. With endless riding action, you will be glad to have your dearest member to please you always.

Weight And Dating

Heavy beautiful woman next to a watermelon popsicle


It’s no secret that people claim that skinny people get party favors in life and dating. Try to find the overweight women telling the news. It’s few and far between, as people prefer fit people.

That does not mean you need to give up on love if you are overweight. The key to happiness is being comfortable in your body, regardless of size. Confidence is sexy.

Listen up, fat women. I don’t care if you are morbidly obese or just have a little extra weight. You need to love your body shape, and your romantic partner should support your physical appearance, as we do not need to promote disordered eating to be thin people.

A Big Girl

Being a big girl, having more than a few extra pounds has made a difference when I navigate life. From having less selection in romantic partners to longing for that hourglass shape from the college years, do not focus on a bad thing. Build your confidence, as you can still have sex, still be in relationships, and still have a pretty face to increase your self-esteem.

After a heart attack at only 24 from medication prescribed to me after my cliff diving accident, I gained weight, a significant amount, that I seemingly could not seem to lose, no matter how many times I had started dieting. My problem was never fast food intake, as I tried to eat healthy to prevent weight gain, but it never seemed enough. I would fluctuate.

Trust me, I know the difference between how people look at you when you are in shape versus fluffy. I constantly hear about my weight. I had to practice self-love and self-care.

Understanding A Yo-Yoer

Contrary to what some ex-boyfriends may have thought, a fat person can lose weight.  Mind-blowing concept, I’m sure, but it can, and does, happen.  I’m a yo-yoer, so I know all too well.

Surprisingly, not everyone understands the term yo-yoer, so I will explain that a yo-yoer is someone whose weight fluctuates up and down like a yo-yo.  I certainly did not come up with the term, but as soon as I heard it, I knew that applied to my weight over the years.  I can go from fat to skinny and back to fat again.

It can tie in with trauma, which mine does.  See, when you get fat, people don’t look at you the same as when you’re in shape and skinny.  When they don’t look at you, it’s like you can disappear for a bit. It really effects your dating life.

Depression and Bulimia

Sure, it’s a fight, and a struggle when you do want to get noticed again, as losing weight does not happen overnight.  That’s when depression hits, as you realize it’s going to take a while, so you eat more.  Admittedly, in the past, I had turned to what would have been considered bulimic options, which would include me camping out in the gym for four to six hours each day, but I did not have time to do that again.

While most people can do bootcamp or extreme exercises when you have multiple extensive injuries from an accident, your mind likes to think you can do that type of stuff, but your body says no.  After being told I’d never walk again at 19 years old, even after proving doctors wrong, there’s a limit on how much I can physically handle before my body gives out on me.  Ah, there’s nothing quite so sexy as when the old hip locks up, the entire leg freezes, and it causes me to drop like a dead buffalo randomly. 

Words Like Fists

Start a diet, attempt to make strides, drop a few pounds, and attempt to walk into the boyfriend’s motorhome.  He stops me at the door, wide-eyed.  “No, you’re so fat, you will pop the tires on the RV.”

He laughs and calls it a joke.  Nearly a decade later, I’m still not laughing.  Words can hurt like fists.

What’s the Secret?

Does everyone want to know what’s the secret to losing weight?  How did I finally start to turn the corner?  What was that kickstart to get me motivated and pumped up to make a needed change in my life?

It was not the people who would nag me about being overweight.  It was not the boyfriend who noticed me losing weight and would purposely only want to eat fattening stuff to control me further.  This time, I was not even killing myself for hours at the gym as I did in the past.

I got rid of my gym membership, which worked out so much that I merely injured everything at once.  My meniscus was messed up, plantar fasciitis flared up, torn rotator cuff, cyst, and a tear in my hip joint, all hitting me simultaneously to the point where it’s like, “no, you cannot use the machines at the gym.”  Going back to basics, I bought a house with a pool, as aqua therapy works best for me.

Luckily, my sensei from martial arts had taught me modified exercises after my accident, teaching me some tricks that would allow me to do my kicks in the water when I could not do them on the land.  The biggest, cheapest trick for a pool is simply using empty milk jugs to work out with, using the resistance of them floating when empty, pushing them down in the water, or filling them with water to lift like free weights.

First World Solution

While some people might think of weight loss surgery as a first-world solution to weight loss, mine was way less invasive.  It’s called working with a professional sports team.  Thank you, world-class chefs!!!

Granted, not everyone has access to a few different chefs with around-the-globe influences to make perfectly portioned meals high in protein and low in sugar. Still, anyone can modify their diet to simply cut out sugars and increase proteins.  It’s not all eating meat like a caveman; as one chef commented, “these boys will eat the heck out of some brussel sprouts.”  I remember one player them calling baby lettuce heads when he was trying to recall the name of them. 

Having a buffet, I still had to make the right choices.  Skip the fried foods.  Lots of veggies.

Befriend the chefs.  Be nice to them.  They might make you something special if you’re nice. Hows that for weight loss?

What to Eat?

Before joining the team, I remember wandering through the grocery store, wondering what I should eat.  I knew I was trying to make a change in my diet, I just wasn’t sure where to start.  Finding myself jumping on diet trends, thinking I was making good choices; there are so many hidden sugars.

The difference is going to where the selections are made for you, taking the “what to make” part out of it.  They didn’t give fast food as an option, though players could order that if they wanted to stray and pay.  Instead, their options consisted of fresh fruit, pre-portioned out, so you’re not bingeing a whole bag.

They always had a couple of vegetable options.  When it’s right in front of you, already made and ready to eat, it’s easy to point, have them slap it on the plate, and eat the right thing.  Salad is always an option, so even if you don’t like dinner options, make a salad you know is healthy.

While they had a selection of grab-and-go sandwiches, the thing I picked up on is that they loaded their sandwiches with meats, making them more protein than carbs.  Sure, there was still bread, and different kinds at that, though often packed with nuts or seeds for an added punch.  They had some low-carb wraps and various healthier options but did not always have a vast selection of desserts.

Healthy Dessert Options

Occasionally, they would have some desserts for holidays, birthdays, or whatever reason.  It’s not like they’re so strict that they can’t have an occasional bite of chocolate.  However, it’s worth noting that the chefs went out of their way to strive to include a few healthy dessert options at times.

Yogurt parfaits were a regular thing, though they were packed with layers of nuts, granola and fruit.  It’s not like it’s hard to stir nuts, granola, or fruit into yogurt at home.  You don’t even need an oven.

My favorite, and one thing I pestered one staff member for regularly, as she would indulge me, was a variety of chia seed puddings.  Having tried several times to make it at home, each time unable to get the consistency right, I begged her to tell me the secret.  “Put a little yogurt in it so it’s not watery.”

One-third yogurt, one-third almond milk, and one-third chia seed blended, and let sit overnight.  Create your puree of whatever fruit you have around to layer it with, and throw in extra fruit chunks and nuts.  This is probably my go-to for breakfast, and I have put so many spins on it already I just keep going.

Cut Down Portions

I was starting to have some health issues before ever working with the sports team, so I had been losing weight because of it.  While teaching at the college, I was exposed to a sick student and wound up in the hospital, puking so much that I developed a hernia.  The lingering effects, for whatever reason, affected my menstrual cycles, making me extremely nauseated during that time of the month, to the point I could not even hold water down and was simply doing rinse cycles, chugging a gallon, just to puke it right back up, trying to rinse out whatever acid was in there.

It got to the point where I was scared to eat.  Solid foods were not an option for weeks at a time.  Honestly, that started weight loss, which is not a healthy way to lose weight.

My doctor said it’s lucky I was overweight when it happened.  When you’re fat, losing weight is not an issue until it becomes an issue.  We’re watching to ensure that it is not bad, which is not easy to do when you don’t have decent health coverage, so it’s like a hope and a prayer with diet.

One Little Ingredient

Luckily, I’m friends with doctors.  I have been blessed enough to be able to turn to some of them off the record when I need to, though it’s not like they’re always available either.  Doctors tend to be busy.

It’s cut down portion sizes, cut out sugars and heavy oils.  Having a history of food allergies, I opted for a DNA test from my hair for allergies with various skin and blood test results.  Sure, I had to send it off to Europe, but it was less than $100 and revealed an olive oil marker.

While it’s not like I was allergic to the point that having some olive oil would kill me, when I thought about foods I ate when I got sick, olive oil was a common enough thread to try cutting it out.  When I did, it helped.  Being mindful of one little ingredient made a significant digestion difference.

A Gynecologist’s Advice

When I was working as managing editor at a medical publication, I had been talking to a doctor on the regular that had diabetes, and he schooled me on the realities of what diabetes can be like.  He was to the point where he had to go for regular retina injections and was legally blind from the disease.  Hammering it home that to some people, this can be prevented, watching an eyeball get stabbed with a massive needle, fluid filling the eyeball, that can be a little motivating, like yeah, no alcohol either then.

This gentleman was a retired gynecologist who had delivered many of my friends’ children, including the guy I toured on Ozzfest with.  “It was so cool when he delivered my daughter.  He showed up on one of those Ninja crotch rocket things, and half an hour later, she’s out, and he’s zooming off.”

Constantly nudging the doctor to tell me stories and confessions of what it was like to be deeper into most of my friends than their husbands and boyfriends, he would indulge me from time to time.  I will probably have to write a different story about that.  He’s an interesting character in the larger plot.

Let’s say his ex-wife worked with him and was none too happy when a lady showed up in lingerie and heels for her appointment.  He also told me the joys of getting meconium in his mouth while delivering a baby one time.  For those who don’t know, meconium is greenish-black baby feces from the womb.

Digest that for a minute.  Still hungry?  Let’s talk about weight loss.

On Losing Weight

I think my uncle summed it up best.  “We all know what to do.  It’s just a matter of doing it.”

Eat less and move more.  Make better choices.  No fast food.

While I have gone up and down several times in my life, I always knew I would lose weight (and probably gain some back) again.  Still, the average people on the street seem to forget that fat people can lose weight or that skinny people can get fat.  Add a birth, and you know what can happen to that prom queen who used to be so skinny, Minnie; after popping out a tribe, she has gotten a bit wide. Especialy if her fast food intake was high during pregnancey.

How You’re Treated

The most significant difference between being skinny and fat is how other people treat you.  When you’re fat, people love to tease you, throw your insecurities in your face, to try to control and manipulate you.  They expect you to be fat and depressed, naturally desperate, so they see you as an easy target to try, destroying any self esteem you had left.

Otherwise, they expect you to be fat and jolly.  Go with the flow of what others want.  Fat and happy. More weight gain. 

I’m Not Barbie

I’m not Santa, and I’m not Barbie.  Skinny people get the party favors in life.  They get invited to places. Fat people don’t.  They get to sit at home.  Don’t come out, Quasimodo!

No, screw that.  I’m the one who has always broken tradition.  I could be fat and still get regular dick or pussy, even with a few extra pounds.

I’m not staying home.  My work requires me to go out and about.  It’s not an option to sit depressed.

Games People Play

However, the games guys play, and girls play them, too!  Some girls only want fat girls around to make them look good, but if you should lose weight, you might not have that same connection.  Other girls only want skinny chicks around to make them more marketable in a group, catching castoffs.

Drive around and look for bumper stickers that say, “no fat chicks” if you don’t believe me.  It’s okay for a guy to gain weight, but if a girl does, oh, mister.  Might as well get her a dozen cats and go hide out.

Thing is, once a guy has treated me badly, said something about my weight, or made me feel uncomfortable, those are the guys I don’t want to let know that I lost weight.  As a yo-yoer, I know that those guys who were just making fun of you will now be trying to bang you.  My mentality is more of the thought that if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve my best.

Today, a guy I banged a year ago sent me a random message about fat chicks aimed at me.  Now that I am down 85 pounds from the last time he saw me, do you think I want to let him know?  If he’s sending me that type of crap, then no, I want him to still think of me as fat and forget my number.

Throw Another Bone

Oh, but shouldn’t I throw him another bone if he banged me while I was fat?  No. Not really.

Head games are not my interest.  Down-talkers are never helpful.  While skinny people might be able to lose weight, someone with a personality flaw might not be able to change that, and if someone is simply rude by nature, they will likely continue to be that way: you can’t change that as quickly as your weight.

Finding Someone New

Why does it seem like most people will default to online dating when they want to find someone new? One experience I had was with a guy from Syria I met on dating apps, whose opening line was blaming me personally for the war in his country, so he thought I owed him to get knocked up and get him a green card, which was memorable, but for the wrong reasons: block. Another guy I met on dating apps told me he was on death row for four of the past five years, and just before he was about to be killed, they exonerated him, allowing him to be free, single, and ready to mingle.

the last one I met on dating apps said he was living with his girlfriend still, had no car, and was looking for a new place to flop. While these might make for exciting stories, they might not be my first choice for finding dates. We might want to increase our love life, but I have met so many rude people online dating.

What People Remember

People tend to remember when others are rude or make fun of them, as people tend to remember the positive and negative.  Never make fun of someone for being fat, as they will remember who made fun of them and who was nice to them.  Being overweight or even morbidly obese can change, but as they say, there’s no fixing stupid. So many people will be extra cruel in online dating because they are not face to face. Cowards.

Who I might throw a bone to are the ones that were nice to me, who didn’t talk down to me, which was rare on these dating apps, though chances are, if there was a spark, you would feel it regardless of weight.  For the record, there is a polite way of letting someone know that you do not agree with their actions without being a bully.

No Reminder Necessary

Usually, when people are fat, they know.  They don’t need a reminder.  They don’t need you to tell them, point it out, or try to manipulate them because you think they feel a way due to being fat.

Physical With Friends

Want to help someone lose weight?  Be a friend.  Invite them to do physical fun stuff with you.

Let’s go for a beach walk.  Let’s go to a drum circle.  There’s a yoga class I’d like to try.

Inviting someone and making them feel welcome and comfortable can lead to more positive changes.  Being there for someone, letting them know you’re in it with them, and doing an activity with them can be positive growth that people need.  Conquer a challenge like white water rafting, then brag about it.

Go axe throwing.  Learn a few tricks. 

Start Out Small

Start small.  Do things on the regular.  Go outside, walking far, so you have no choice but to walk back.

Though I may have lost some weight, I still have more to go on my journey. It’s funny how you judge yourself more when you start to lose weight. Don’t get down on yourself; keep up your motivation by encouraging yourself, as results are not always instantaneous.

Having friends and a support system helps, but you don’t need it.  It only takes individual motivation.  You lead your own life, so you might as well make yourself as sexy as possible and enjoy it.

I know I always try to have fun.  You should, too. 

Hooking Up in a Hurricane

Graphic showing a hurricane with trees

Get Out There

If you have been trapped inside your house, hunkering down for Hurricane Ian, it’s time to get out there now that the danger has passed. After being cooped up long enough to feel like Quasimodo, it’s time to check out the light of day. Simply emerging from what’s remaining of your home is enough of a first step to meeting someone, as there are rubbernecks plenty, people aimlessly walking around with cameras, looking to talk to just about anybody.

It’s Permanently Friday

It’s a permanent Friday, as everyone has found their schedule clear enough to hook up. It doesn’t matter if you have been burning the midnight oil until the hurricane hit because now it’s time to dust off that sex toy box and hook up for some hurricane sex. This is your time to shine, so get out there. 

Three Easy Steps

First step: WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE. Second step: stand around outside long enough, and you will run into someone randomly who is also lonely and bored. Third step: offer to help.

That’s all you have to do. Offer to help. Other lonely people are doing the same thing.

Whatever You’re Into

It doesn’t matter if you are into same-sex partners, trans, bi, straight, or whatever; people are open to it right about now. In the wake of the hurricane, people are bored, not having to answer to their bosses quite yet, and they’re open to striking up a conversation. They have nothing but time on their hands, so why not have them put their hands on you?

Can’t Thank Enough

Why do I say offer to help? Now, you’ve become a hero. How can they ever repay you?

Well, banks are closed from the hurricane. People are short on cash. Might as well hook up.

Sticky Hurricane Sex

How about some little quickie hurricane sexual encounters? Hope you stocked up on rubbers before the storm day romp, as there are not a whole lot of stores to run to for condoms. You don’t want to suffer real-life consequences of raw sex because of your new friends-with-benefits situation.

Creative Animalistic Sex

Nobody has their clothing neatly arranged, and it’s not like the publication’s eyebrow-raising Facebook without too much power or internet. Why not have a pitch-black sexual encounter? If the stuff in the fridge is going bad and you don’t want it to go to waste, try kinking up some sexual stuff to involve food; toss out vanilla sex! Get out that whipped cream and those leftover strawberries! It will all go rancid anyway.

Find Free Things

Go out to get free stuff and find a new friend with a benefits situation, as there are all kinds of places like churches offering free meals that are getting tons of people showing up there, many of them just as lonely as you, isolated from friends and family, but more than willing to make a new friend to spend some quality time with after curfew. Show that you have an independent voice by a quick escape plan with a hurricane buddy, or hunker in during the story and have sex to the exploding power transformer serenade. Try swallowing semen; this ritual rebuilds teeth according to one cultural account, and you can always trust the cultural news.

Calm Your Partner

That’s one way to calm an angry partner, and it’s a classic move that only a few would ever be willing to deny; works every time during a rage. Go down and start sucking. Don’t ask how long it’s been since they last washed that general region; get over this gross factor and start sucking.

Surviving The Dangers

If planning ahead of time, think about who you want as a survival partner carefully, as you may want to avoid awkward post-coital banter with the fire department, as they forgot to avoid highly scented candles, knocking them over by accident during orgasm in the dim lighting.

Hurricanes are enough of a scare, so don’t have someone add other near-death experiences. If you’re going to be stuck indoors, having sex on neon red Cheeto dust, then it makes perfect sense to rally support with single storm preppers that like to get kinky in the pounding rain.

Hope you put some whips and chains in that interior hallway closet, creating a cramped space to kick the bondage into high gear, gushing body fluids with enough sweat to flood the interior. Pungent body odors be damned, disrobe entirely and start the coital play.

Bust out the emergency stash of lubrication, and as the winds pick up, with enough stimulus and rampant lawlessness, your hurricane plans will include a simple trick that makes the howling winds only add to the screaming orgasm that results in a creaking foundation to combat boredom.

Hot Hookup Spot

Typically, people might say that going to the local supermarket might be a place to find someone to hook up with, but as the local media could point out, most stores are not open. Stay up on the donation centers on the local news because if you’re in south Florida, that’s where people are flocking to, many of them lonely with too much time on their hands.

Why complain about standing in line when you could be eyeing who to hook up with there?

This is not the time to sit at home and cry alone. Offer to help anyone; you never know who they might know who is also single and ready to mingle. Just put it out there.

I’m so lonely. I got divorced. I’m single or whatever your story, tell it to others.

More than likely, they have a story, too, or they have a friend with a story. If that friend is nearby, you offer to help that friend, become a hero, and score. Nothing is sexier than someone willing to lend a helping hand in a time of need, doesn’t matter what you do, how much money you have, or anything, so long as you are there helping in the time of need.

It’s like when a person is broken down with a flat tire on the side of the road. If you can help, that person is grateful. That’s the classic way to start a legit long-term hookup.

We Love Heroes

Everyone wants a hero. Everyone wants someone to be there for them. Just offer to help.

It can be as simple as picking up twigs in the yard or as massive as getting a tree off their house. Maybe it’s simply offering water or ice to someone, even if you know they don’t need it. Sometimes, the simple act of offering is enough of an in to get to the bedroom and score.

Double score if you are an emergency responder. Many people have fantasies about being rescued, especially by people in uniform. If you have uniforms to throw on, strut around, chat it up with people, and you’re more than halfway to a hookup just by wearing the right outfit.

That being said, all those National Guards out there, looking hot and sweaty in the Florida sun, go flirt with them, too. Most of them are trying to keep a smile on their face, so give them a reason to grin by throwing out your cheesiest pickup lines to see if it can reel them in.

What’s the worst-case scenario? What if it works for your hurricane hookup?

While it might be weird to see the military personnel handing out freebies like water, food, ice, and tarps to people at the same place where a little more than a month ago, we were cheering on baseball games, it’s even more disturbing to see the place shredded with heaps of aluminum cleared enough for the traffic to pass.

Get over the change in the scenery, knowing that the Tampa Bay Rays baseball stadium has been the spot of many people meeting and hooking up over the years, so why not give a smile and wink to that person in uniform with a pickup line?

Service the Servicers

Show how grateful you are. Offer to service the service people. That’s giving back.

At least, I think so. Others may or may not agree. Does it matter?

Hurricane Fantasy Time

Live out your fantasy, whatever that may be. You survived the hurricane. Now, it’s time to celebrate with a bit of recovery effort style of hurricane sex for ultimate hurricane pleasure.

You could also hunker in with one of my books during the hurricaneCheck out my Hurricane Ian Diary. Whenever you’re bored, you can always cum play with me.

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